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Leave a Comment on relish the fuck out of itcelebrate home life now writing

relish the fuck out of it

Since moving into my new digs, I am beginning to feel a special kind of calm, a peace, a super deep appreciation for all things in my world.

Sure, I’m witnessing my ego jump ahead 6 months and want to be somewhere it’s not, *rascally ego*, but I’m in a great position to just observe it, rein it in, and give thanks for exactly where I am.  And there is no place that I’d rather be right now.

I spent the last 6 months, wanting to be exactly where I am, that I’m going to enjoy it!  I’m going to dance in it, relish it and enjoy the fuck out of it, AND I’m also already planting the seeds now for the future creation to come into fruition for the next 6 months!  This is the way life goes.

If we kept focusing on the future we would not appreciate our now, and therefore not appreciate life.  This is it.  Right here, right now as Fatboy Slim would chant.

I feel like I’m reflecting on some deep thoughts, taking stock and preparing for an epic period to come.  Ways of being have been unraveled, and re-configured.  It’s like an upgrade has occurred and is integrating.  How life used to be done, cannot be done that way, that ship has sailed.  It’s like your latest version of Windows (clearly I’m still a PC user), operating on an old computer – there’s no way it could – everything constantly needs an upgrade, not just technology – us also.

I sit in such a space of contentment right now, I find myself sighing happy blissful sighs.  Sighs of just being here.  Nowhere else.  Not desiring anything to be different, but merely having so much appreciation for everything that is.  A very new space to be in, as we have been so programmed to be happy when we have xyz, when all our ducks are in a row.

Sure I could still say, I want xyz, and if I speak in Abraham speak – xyz already exists, it is in my vortex and is already making its’ way to me.  I simply need to stay aligned to it, removing any resistance to it & it will arrive at a time that is not up to me.  Knowing this, feeling into my essence gives me a sense of peace that is constantly available to me, that is, until I forget again.  Which I’m sure I will.

So for me right now – it’s a dance between sighing happy moment sighs, and aligning to what I am drawing into my physical reality and not focusing on what has not yet showed up, which is what we humans often tend to do, focus on the not having.  I know this has been my modus operandum for some time.  Wondering why I have been well equipt with everything I could possibility need, yet having a mentality of lack, re-playing that record over and over again.  I’m done with that programming.  Did you hear me.  Done.  Finished.  Fineto!

Yes, so after this eclipse, this full moon, this menstrual cycle I will have purged, cleansed and released all that is so done in my world.  I am making my way to the end of this very amazing cycle.  I have this theory about life in Bali.  That every Visa cycle represents particular lessons, and that when you leave Bali for a new Visa, holiday or whatever reason you leave Bali for, you return with a whole NEW beginning and a blank canvas right in front of you for the duration of that Visa.  Yes – it is an exciting time indeed.

relish the fuck out of it

Leave a Comment on Molly, Me & a place to call homebeginning celebrate health home now writing

Molly, Me & a place to call home

It’s now been 6 nights and about 2 hours since I moved into my new home, and let me tell you – life feels so very different on the other side.

The last time I was able to unpack my bags without an agenda to move anywhere would have been Victoria, Canada.  I don’t include the Silent Retreat as that was Ashram style living and frankly – who wants to consider living there long term?

I’ve landed safely with both feet, as my new home includes everything.  I have a bathroom – hot & cold water, a kitchen – including gas cooker AND fridge, a bed, a garden AND a pool!  Jackpot!

These might seem like very simple things to give appreciation for, but when you’ve been bed & house hopping for the past year, it changes one’s perspective A LOT!

For the last 5 mornings I’ve cooked breakfast at home.  The satisfaction that this small little task offers is in-explainable.  Having to pop out to cafes to eat first thing in the morning can feel relentless after a while.  Don’t get me wrong – the food and coffee here are wonderful and I am so very grateful to have had the abundance to do this.  But this chicken is ready for a rest and to focus my energy constructively elsewhere.  Not on where I’m going to eat today.  Big shift.

At the same time, a little rescue Bali Dog affectionately named Molly has shown up in my life.  She’s a little doll of a puppy, if a puppy can be called that?  She’s a special little being that has been brought back from the brink of near extinction and has won our hearts.  So for now she is living with me.  A house and a dog in one week, a partner on his way.

Yup life.  It feels possible again.  Today when asked how I’m doing, my reply – good.  Full stop.  No stories, no explorations or reflections.  Just good.  Great in fact.

With the world in upheaval the way it is, to feel good is GREAT!

My inner world is where it’s at.  It is all there is.  From my inner world I am creating my external.  Amazing things are beginning to make their way to me at a rapid rate.  I am merely preparing to receive them right now.  I’m resting when I need to & enjoying this massive clearing rain Bali has been receiving for FOUR days straight now.  FOUR DAYS OF RAIN!

So this little blog is just a little ditty of gratitude.  No massive reflections, no deep diving.  A reminder that simplicity and gratitude for such is where I’m at.  I couldn’t be happier in this moment, well I can think of one – but that’s for between my ears only 😉

In love, gratitude & amazing health

love heidi

Molly, Me & a place to call home

online & in person, spiritual healing, transpersonal coaching, holistic health, queenstown
Updated on Leave a Comment on How do I heal my Inner Child?beliefs change courage ego emotions enough inner child life love mind patterns self love tools Uncategorized writing

How do I heal my Inner Child?

There hasn’t been much inspiration for blogging recently, I’ve been knee deep in emotional healing, loving my Inner Child, much to the disappointment of my inner ‘get things done’ self.  Apparently now is a time of deep inner healing, as reflected to me by my healer friend.

There’s been resistance with the acceptance of this, I mean, I am in the perfect place to be healing, but seriously, how long does one have to heal for – can I get on with the show already? Am I right?

It feels as though this year has been relentless in the pursuit of healing. The whole of 2016! In numerology this year is a 9 year, a year of endings. 2+0+1+6=9. Representing the ending of a 8/9 year cycle, and I tell you what, these numbers aren’t lying.  This last year feels like it has been dying a slow death, like the transition of seasons from fall to winter – but longer.

After spending 8.5 months in a Silent Retreat, 2.5 in Ubud – I feel like physically, I have not achieved one thing. Sure, there may be a few blog posts to show, pages and pages of scribbled journaling’s – most of which are ash by now.  I have 2 suitcases filled with my belongings & have accumulated one beautiful gifted wooden Ganesha representative of destroying my obstacles.  Sounds like a pretty clean simple year no?

Internally it looks like the Sahara desert, intuitively I feel endless rolling hills of cleared debris & destruction.  You can’t see my inner landscape, I can’t prove to you how much inner work I’ve done. We cannot sit and compare notes and graphs about who’s inner work is going to have the biggest return on investment, because this shit can’t be seen. When times like this in life present, (and yes I say times like this, as this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this), it is so easy to forget that life exists outside of the inner destruction that has occurred.

I forget that there IS a life of dreams and desires, of the world’s greatest riches. I forget that there are manifestations of unknown awaiting my rebirth into the world. I forget that there is a sea of possibility just begging me to grab a hold of it with both hands. I forget that I am a valued being on this planet and another voice for Mother Earth. I forget. I am lost in my inner Star Wars Movie – the battle of the dark side against the light.

how do I heal my Inner Child?

This recent battle is just about over. One that has invited my inner teenager with all her wounds, aches and pains. I was gifted a beautiful encounter with a gorgeous Balinese Man who’s smile was enough to make my heart melt, and it pretty much did. It has been about one full year since anyone had looked at me, so to feel my butterflies dance in my tummy was a strange, but exciting feeling – I decided to explore it. Why not?

Edges were met & my fears emerged, I didn’t know whether to let the whole thing go and continue to protect my precious heart, or to open and expand despite these fears. A trip back to the Silent Retreat and a deep dig towards some inner courage saw me return to Ubud lighter and ready to explore.

My heart was opened again and I felt as vulnerable as a fresh teenager rich with new hormones. She was out in full force. The beauty of this relationship was a test of this vulnerable part of myself – would she seek fulfillment in another, or would I (adult Heidi) rise to the challenge and be there to catch her – to meet her needs.

Heart open, arms wide, I was there to catch her, there could be no other way, because he was not available, nor is it his job. His heart closed, encased behind walls of hurt & pain. She kicked & screamed and yelled at me for love, so show up for her did. Time spent laying on my bed, holding my heart, tears streaming, journaling & meditation to hold her tightly was all I could do from going crazy thinking about him.

An external force brought into my world to make me show up stronger than I ever have for myself.  It’s been a good month of parenting myself, it has been wild & relentless. I am SO thankful to see who I am and understand how to care for me, to not throw myself at another in the vain ‘hope’ that he will give me what I needed to give myself.

The relationship has come to a close, and I am feeling a little more settled within my heart, aware of new lessons on the cusp. Trust & Intimacy… This inner work, really is akin to work – seriously! If there was a way to be paid for it, I would be onto the winning ticket.

Our relationships really are nothing but mirrors for us. Showing up to teach us the deepest parts of ourselves we have not yet met. It takes courage to engage in conscious relationships – that shit ain’t easy.

“the road can teach you how to love and let go,
it can be lonely, but it’s the only thing, that we’ve ever known…”

Wash It Away
Nahko Bear

> If you’re needing support in gaining clarity around your Inner Child within relationships, contact me at me@heidifirth.com or Be Your Own Guru – Worldwide on Facebook.

Leave a Comment on How will I make a difference?change coffee thoughts courage ego enough finding your true self fire freedom guru life purpose souls calling spirit tools world writing

How will I make a difference?

I am SO riled up with frustration today – today’s topic – how will I make a difference in today’s world?

Yesterday I spent time with a dear friend & he is never shy to question my motives and intentions behind my drive for life.

It’s always wonderful to have someone pushing me forward and ensuring I’m aligning myself with my highest good, but what if it feels like absolutely nothing I’m doing is working or moving forward?

I really feel like this right now!

I feel so on my own.  Usually a day is inspired by divine conversations, interactions that can guide me towards something, a creative task to fruition, but these past few weeks.  I feel like I’m floating in the ethos of nothingness.  What the fuck am I doing?

My past few blog posts have mirrored this topic.  What the fuck is Heidi doing?  I have a million tools and good intentions for the whole, but feel like I’ve no fucking idea what I’m doing, add to this my stress about my money situation.  So which comes first?  Focus on the things that will bring money in, or keep doing what I love – it feels like the dilemma of the era – with all the bright shinny things ‘out there’ – it’s so easy to be distracted by ‘what’s here’.

I can’t play the pretend game – pretending I have it all together – that I’m some wonderful successful online coach with clients lining up to work with me, earning 6/7 figures each month – it all seems so shallow & empty.  Give me the truth god dammit!  I need to be honest, I need to spill the beans and call a spade a spade.  Who really knows what is going on here?  I certainly don’t.  I wish I had a small inkling of an idea.  What this thing called life is all about. Even writing these words, having this word dump doesn’t feel like the right thing to share on my blog.  Aren’t I meant to have it all together?

If I carry the title of Coach, Counselor & PT, aren’t I meant to know what’s going on?  Perhaps this is something I’ve put on myself… that I should have it all together.  I feel the further I go along this journey, the less idea I actually have.  Walls & beliefs get knocked down, disassembled, blasted to smithereens.  What is left is a field of peace, wonder, possibility which anything can be built upon.  I tell you this field is amazing, but you wouldn’t believe unless you experienced it for your very own self.

I joined an online Affiliate Marketing gig because it truly felt like a piece of the puzzle, the tools, systems and the how – the how behind getting Be Your Own Guru online & moving – whatever that means.

Yet I watch the Facebook posts & messages stream along on FB Messenger (from said Marketing peeps) – they are rich with questions and banter about all the detail needed to understand the nuts and bolts behind the scenes of building an online business.  How to derive followers, likers, leads etc.. The purpose of these equal sales and therefore money.  Winning right?!  Yes we need money – god knows we do – have a look at my bank account.

However in the next moment, I stumble upon a video of my Mentor – Paul Chek, talking about how the Earths Top Soil is akin to our own Digestive Systems.  I get this so strongly – as within, so without.  I witness the mass pollution accruing on this planet and understand that it is a direct result of each individual on this planet and our connection with our inner selves.

Online business details vs the reality of the Planet – my dilemma – the questions & feelings of frustration arise – What can I do?  I experience deep frustration on a daily basis for not being able to DO ENOUGH!  HOW!  What can I do?  Seriously – show me the fucking way!  I have a greater awareness of what is going on here & I don’t know what to do with that information!  Rgggghhh!

Meanwhile billions of people the world across are absolutely clueless to the impact they are creating, let alone what their neighbors are up too.  How can we be in such a mess?  It really breaks my heart, I cry & feel the pain of the world in my heart.  How can my knowledge help the whole?  How can I help the cause?

I just don’t know what to do.  Even typing these words while I sit in a Café in Ubud drinking my coffee feels super privileged and hardly a step in the right direction.  Though I know that I need to acknowledge my fire, I need to express my frustrations.  Whether my words are read, whether they disappear into the abyss of yet another blog post online, what matters is that I wrote them.  That I acknowledged my deep frustration with the state of the planet and the fact that I am SO ready to make difference.

 

I dance in periods of listening to my favorite artist Nahko Bear.  When I’ve had time away from him, and return – his voice and message awakens my soul again – it resonates so deeply and for that moment in time I feel heard – I feel ok.  His music reminds me that I’m not the only one.  You see – I feel like I’m on my own here.  Am I?

Are you reading these words?
Are you with me?
Do you care?
Can you see what is happening?
Do you know that the world needs you?
Are you aware of your daily actions and how they affect the world.  Your trash, your purpose, your words, your energy, your ability to be in integrity with yourself.  Speak your truth, be honest, be vulnerable.  Do you understand how MUCH you contribute to this world?  You are a part of everything – not separate at all.

You see this is what is needed first and foremost.  We can’t change anything out there – without changing what is going on – in here <3.

This is what it comes back to, Being Your own Guru, if you are the creator of your life, taking responsibility for your words, actions, energy, moment to moment, we make the best choices for the planet.

Our food sources, the soil in which it was grown, our friends and neighbors and how much love and compassion we offer them.  Everyone is fighting their own battles and they cannot be won on our own.  We need to band together and offer support… But it starts with you – right now – looking at yourself.

If you’re ready to embark on the Guru’s journey, let’s do things OUR way… Let’s get our voices out loud and strong in integrity with our spirit and purpose.  Let’s make a difference.  I will walk with you, guiding you & offering support each step of the way.  Join me in a personal capacity by messaging me, or join me professionally by following this link.

 

Updated on Leave a Comment on Life took a drastic turnbeginning change coaching courage ego finding your true self guru life now souls calling Uncategorized writing

Life took a drastic turn

life took a drastic turn

So days ago, in fact the day after I wrote my previous blog, my life took a drastic turn.

I have been spending extended time in a Silent Retreat, on the magical island of Bali.  It’s been a little over 8 months so far, hence my previous blog post.  (You can read that blog here.)

Upon returning from Australia, I was met with changes in my exchange at the retreat, to which I decided to step up into.  I imagined that there was a higher purpose for me being here, you know, to create something of my own contribution towards this retreat space and the hundreds of courageous souls who visit.

The next day, a whirlwind happened and I was let go!  A mass of incorrect communications took place.  Different perceptions of the same words, catapulted into miscommunication which resulted in this action.  It was wild, it was crazy, there may have been some angry words said, all necessary in the transition of this lesson.

But the strange thing is, I am not upset about it.  It feels right and I am in total acceptance that this was what had to happen.  And so now I sit in a space much like the butterfly does, as she allows her wings to dry before taking flight into a new adventure.

Mostly I feel excited and optimistic, though occasionally I feel nervous.

I want so much to step into an exciting opportunity that nurtures my soul to the highest extent.  I just want to get going, but equally flit with days of simply just needing rest and feeling exhausted.  What a ride this is.

Today feels more optimistic.  After a chat with a friend, I’m being reminded of processes akin to nature.  These support me to accept what is and to not work against my own unfolding.

Se are human beings and we have an ego.  The ego likes to know what is happening.  I know mine does.

– Where am I going?
– What do I want to do?
– How will I have money?
– Do I put my energies into Be Your Own Guru?

All these questions and more are humming along in the background that I am acknowledging.

Still I wish to act from love.  I wish to take action as & when it feels right.  Acting from fear only gets in the way, and prevents what really needs to drop in to arrive and be heard.

I explored websites my friend shared, and worked on my primary values – to help manifest & gain clarity of my next step.  These are the only steps available right now.  This, and to honor how much my body needs rest.  I nap each afternoon & am moving very gently.

One can only work with what is available & be in the dance of co-creation.  Good things take time & everything has a natural rhythm.

– BYOG

 

 

 

Updated on Leave a Comment on Ego & Silence meet… What happens?beliefs body change courage ego emotions energy finding your true self healing health life mind thoughts tools transformation truth Uncategorized writing

Ego & Silence meet… What happens?

When Ego and Silence meet, magical occurrences can happen. Parts of ourselves become present in our minds eye, we may never have had the pleasure of meeting before. Much like how our Apps hum along in the background of our smart phones, so too do these parts of ourselves, our ego. They use energy subconsciously, …

Updated on 2 Comments on Grief Friend you are Welcomebody change coaching courage death emotions energy fears finding your true self freedom grief healing health heart life love self care storytelling surrender tools transformation truth writing

Grief Friend you are Welcome

Have you noticed how grief can be a trickster at times? Disguised in one form, dressed as another. Like an unannounced house guest, he knocks at the door, packed bags in hand, you answer in your underwear, the house a mess, you’re unprepared.  “Hello friend, I am Grief.” He has come to visit.  To turn him away …

having no agenda for change
Updated on Leave a Comment on Bali Visa Musings – having no agenda for changebeginning beliefs change coffee thoughts courage death ego finding your true self freedom goddess health life nature purpose re-wilding soul souls calling spirit storytelling surrender thoughts truth Uncategorized wild woman writing

Bali Visa Musings – having no agenda for change

While sitting in the Immigration Office in Bali, I was contemplating how much change my life has undergone, is such a short space of time.  Living within a Silent Retreat has brought me back to simplicity & the heart of what really matters in life. I now see the many many distractions we create in …

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