the wolves have returned

it’s 17 december.

we are days away from 2017 being no more.

it’s easy to remember that this year has been tumultuous!

i think the only reason why i am remembering, is because all the feels have come flooding back, i feel like i have somehow transported back in time to how i’ve felt most of this year.

this year has been relentless.

relentless in lessons, in unfolding layers of muck and untruths.  a general supersized spring clean out that has been overdue since eternity.  who knows how many lifetimes this heaviness has been weighing my soul down for?

see, that’s just it isn’t it?

we are not merely dealing with our here and now.  what we see in front of our eyes.

we are deep diving, and clearing out the trash of our past.

our grand mothers mother, and maybe even her grand mothers mother – where does it begin or end?

so when asked, what is wrong?  it has been common to not know.  to shake our heads, as if surrendering to the higher power orchestrating this dance.  for we are merely vessels to direct and hone this light body.  it’s easy to forget.

our work surpasses what we think we are here to complete.  we are more than the conversations that take place each moment.

my energy shifts your energy.  your energy shifts my energy.  we are one.

and so, as these feels return, i am reminded of the work that i committed to, and what i am witness to is moving through me.

an ancient wisdom returning, remembering, connecting to all that is, greater than my ego can understand.  oh ego – dear little ego.

new beginnings have arrived.

it IS the dawn of a new era.

there are more of us than ever before.  ready.  hungry.

there has never been a time like there is right now.

the wolves have returned, and we’re coming in numbers.

we bring hope of new life!

 

Being wild amidst the tame

My mind is a busy monkey at present.

Integrating my Bali reality with this current New Zealand reality.

I’ve been trying to pin point the words, to somehow capture and solidify my experience. In doing so, hoping to find some sort of solidarity that I can grab a hold of with both hands.

But it’s not coming. It’s not happening.

And then I remember what I signed up for.

I didn’t sign up for normal. I didn’t sign up for comfortable.

Somewhere way back when, my soul made a contract to be wild and free, so trying to fit this into its current surrounds is something akin to bringing the wild back into the city. It won’t fit anymore, in fact it’s likely to go more wild.

I see that Brene Brown has just released a new book, so I’m reading the sample pages available on Amazon.com. In the first pages I come across this snippet as she is discussing Maya Angelou in a 1973 interview. Maya says;

“You are only free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”

To which I resonate so greatly, I cry.

In conclusion, I’m not going to find the right words, it’s never going to make sense, I am the wild space between the words that are undiscovered and free. It’s up to me to surrender to that, and come from that place. Wild makes no sense. Wild is WILD. This is why we feel at peace and at home within nature, our brain has to give up trying to understand it, and just get out of the way to come to peace.

So dear Heidi, give up the understanding and just own the wild and free that you.

My funk, gives permission to your funk

Sometimes the day calls for gentleness and not so much action.

This ride can be a challenging one when sometimes the next step is NOT clear, but a decision needs to be made.

Such is the case for me today, and as a result (I think), my thoughts and feels, are funky and so it’s been a slow day for me.

Despite having tools, I’m normalizing that this path is tough and unknown and that it’s impossible to be upbeat and optimistic all the time.

“the only way forward is through’

Join the Be Your Own Guru Community here
Chat with Heidi here

Start this practice immediately | no excuses | just start

Often it’s the really simple things in life we don’t do that we know we need to.

– Drink more water
– Move our bodies more
– Eat cleaner food
– Drink less alcohol
– Work less, play more…

Nothing new here, but a friendly reminder that starting a Meditation practice each day is something that is absolutely needed in today’s life.

When you clear the trash in your mind to learn your inner landscape, that’s when you can really begin to work consciously with your energy and manifest your external world.

Learning your inner landscape, is like learning a new language, just start, and start with the basics.

Join the Be Your Own Guru Community here
Chat with Heidi here

Use this tool to clear funky energy immediately

Every morning it is natural for me to check in with myself and feel where my energy is at, how it feels.
When it’s super funky and foggy, I put out a tool from my tool kit and apply it to increase my good feels.
This one is from an awesome man you may know – Wim Hof.

I follow my bodies lead and allow whatever I need to move through me;
– Yawning
– Burping
– Sighing
– Emotional Release
– Sound Release
– Physical Movements

Join the Be Your Own Guru Community here
Chat with Heidi here
Wim Hof Video

Use this tool to shift old habits and funky energy

You know when you wake up in the morning (feeling like P Diddy), and you’re present to some funk. Not the dance kind, but the energetic kind.
Sometimes you sit with it, sometimes you can move it.
In this video I share a little of my funk and remind you how you can simply ask it what it needs. Simple right? Ya – I thought so too.

Join the Be Your Own Guru Community here
Chat with Heidi here

Use this simple tool for Negative Self Talk

Here I share a super simple tool you can use every time you observe a negative thought, or witness a story you know is not true.

By doing so, you program your mind to chose the thoughts you want to align to.

This isn’t about negating what is, it’s about acknowledging it, and coming back to what you DO want. Simples. So it should be.

Join the Be Your Own Guru Community here
Chat with Heidi here

how these tiny words will change your life || guru tip #1

Language is powerful, words can change your life.  They have the capacity to tear a person down, or build them up.

Words illustrate how someone feels about them self, their beliefs in life, their fears, conditioning, patterns that play out, just to name a few.

Here are 3 examples from a sea of many;

1. TRY (in the context of a commitment to a task or goal)
I consider the word try, to be a swear word – actually that’s really just something I heard elsewhere, but it stuck. If someone says they will ‘try’ to do xyz, be sure that they are not 100% committed to the outcome.
There is either CAN or CANNOT – there is no try. Try is a cop out of a word that means you don’t have the integrity to say yes or no and own your commitment completely.
Notice WHY you might not want to commit to a solid CAN or CANNOT. Build your integrity by communicating any resistance you might have.

2. SORRY
The word sorry, usually learnt through conditioning. Have you noticed how often you say sorry? Why do you say it, and do you really mean it.
It is way over used and used far to inappropriately.
Dig a little further and ask WHY you or others use it. The initial answer may be ‘I don’t know’, but dig behind that.
Often it can represent a fear we have for getting in the way or feeling like we aren’t enough.
Challenge yourself to not say it when you usually would. What comes up for you?

3. Think vs Feel
When listening to your response, or another’s response to a question or conversation. Note whether you say “I think, or I feel” as the starting sentence. When we say Think – it usually means our answer comes from the head with something we already know or think we know. When we say Feel – it usually means our answer has come from within our heart or body.
Depending on the context of the conversation – our response can denote where our answer has come from and the potential truth of it. Our bodies never lie. Our heads are pretty practiced at it.

Neither is right or wrong, just all lessons to enhance our listening skills and be open exploration.

For further tools to support exploration of your words and thoughts, read Transform Your Thoughts, Transform Your Life available here.

change your life

when there is nothing *internal to do…

 

Last week, I had such an amazing, joyful time here in Mongan Village.  The sun shone, I walked the dogs, I saw a client, I held a group discussion – it felt really really good.  This week, it has rained constantly.

No clients so far, dogs with cabin fever and my inner landscape feeling rather meeh.  I’m dedicated to digging into my tool kit when I feel this way, I know that afterwards I tend to feel great again.

Today’s’ tool are were a mixture of walking feet on the earth, Wim Hofs breathing technique, Balinese Water Blessing and a Chakra Meditation.  These generally completely shift my energy and have me looking through new lenses, but today I’ve done these and I’m back under the doona in bed, watching the continuous rain.  There is nothing more, (internally) that I can do.

I’m not complaining, in fact, I think I’m pretty bloody lucky to have the available time and space to indulge in the inner workings of my mind, not everyone has, or makes this a priority.  I think it’s that I have learnt to, and really, what else do I have?

Today, I don’t have kids, a partner, a house that needs tending to, there is no oven I can bake in, I don’t live near my family/friends so I can visit, the dogs have had their walk in the pause of the rain.  I really am this free spirit that is at the command of the universe.

And this, has been my unfolding lesson for this duration of time in Bali.  Learn to surrender, let go and trust that I am supported.  At times, my head wonders – “what the fuck do you have in store for me”?  I mean, I sit here now reflecting on my current life, and it looks like a baron wasteland.  Rather like these freshly harvested rice fields.  All the abundance has been cut and packaged up for sale, what is left is the hay like debris ready to be set alight as soon as these rains cease.  This is me.

Ubud feels like it is closing up for me.  All the friends that I’ve made over this past 1.5 years have departed, back to their home soil.  Maybe one or two friends remain, but the foundations are beginning to shake.  You know when a chapter ends, you know it has ended, so why recreate a new one that looks the same, because it won’t be the same, it never will be, and there will only be disappointment.  No, it’s time to move on.  Time for something new to be born.

Except, the new is not yet visible.  The phoenix has not yet risen from the ashes.  There are no ashes, it’s still bloody raining, so they can’t light the fire.  It’s grey, dreary, wet, heavy, slow, there’s no movement right now.

A bubble of past, present, unknown future is percolating, mixing itself with each other, so nothing really makes any sense.  The beauty of this is in the witness of it, and of the trusting of natures unfolding that nothing stays the same, and it won’t.

when there is nothing to do

Conversations on sex and self pleasure

Conversations recently are beginning to amp around the topic of sex and relationships.  Perhaps it’s that Venus has recently been in Retrograde, so she’s been digging up all the stuff we needed to release and transform, preparing us for another step forward in the journey of self love and awareness.

I’m loving it, because some beautiful experiences have recently come my way.  A beautiful intimate experience with another and satisfying conversations with girl friends, breaking down the aftermath of insights preceding it.  It’s touched on a really deep desire to talk about and explore the intricate nature that are intimate relationships.

From the conversations had with another, to the nitty gritty of what happens in the bedroom.  What this comes down to I believe, is that it’s not a topic we have been encouraged to explore and learn about since the day we were old enough to understand, what is sex & where do babies come from?

I was given a picture book which illustrated dogs and puppies to humans and babies, my girlfriend nods in acknowledgement that she too was given a book.  We’re taught in school that girls get periods and to put a cotton tampon in your vagina each month and BAM that’s pretty much it, oh and to take the contraceptive pill if you’re sexually active.

There’s no information about about moon cycles, red tents, TSS – toxic shock syndrome, how to manage emotions, the emotional healing and clearing of the month, and forget about the magical wonder of being a Woman.  (I don’t mean to section out Men right now.  I do think there should be the equal education for Men, however at present I am reflecting on my personal story to date – as, I am a Woman).

We’re not taught about female pleasure, orgasms, yin/yang energy, kissing, boundaries or the importance of communication and the differences between Males and Females.  Think Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.  Nope, it’s just a make things up as you go kinda deal.  Which really, is life in general, learning to fly as you’re building the plane.  I’m not finger pointing or making our parents or teachers wrong, just merely pointing out the ‘what if’ it was different?

What if we were taught?  What if, we start teaching now?

I am sure that I am not the only one who grew up not having a clue about any of this.  I remember discovering my orgasm by accident and feeling such guilt that I had touched myself to do so.  It took me years to remove that self created pattern from my body.

They say that only about 57% of Woman can orgasm through intercourse, and can only orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation.  I personally believe there’s a whole underground to uncover here.  One of the main themes being of shame and worth.  Shame and worth to receive pleasure.  To allow the expansive nature of surrender and receive from your partner.  This merely being the trigger to unlock the depth of generational wounding from our history as Woman.  No wonder period pain is classified ‘normal’ in this day and age.

Let me make it clear that period pain is NOT normal!

Even now my conversations with my girlfriends still hold an element of feeling like we don’t have the power to state what it is that we like and don’t like.  There seems to be this age old pattern of the Man initiating the act, and leading the sex the way he likes it, we simply follow and often times feel unsatisfied afterwards.  We don’t say anything because quite likely, we simply do not know what it is we like, or are fearful to ask for what we want, so we follow the grain and do what we’ve always done.

I am grateful that I’ve been exploring my personal pleasure for a while now, and have learnt what I like.  I’ve learnt a lot about my body, and the intricacies of subtle energy and how they beautifully play together.  I know my body, and I will always continue to learn.  But who knows this stuff if 1) it’s not taught, or 2) you haven’t taken the initiative to explore yourself?  Perhaps it’s the ever curious adventurous Sagittarian in me that is on the quest for more, more, more?!

So now fast forward, into the adults that we’re meant to be.  Collectively there is this conversation that is happening about the Men not doing xyz, not being present, not communicating, not being available etc etc… But the way I see it is, how are we not working together?  I feel like in each moment, we are only ever learning, and if we’re not open to learning and being vulnerable, well then your mind is filled with preconceived ideas about a thing which is based on your agenda or an outcome you want.  Therefore missing the beauty that is really unfolding in that very moment.

Every conversation and relationship is but a step forward in our own personal evolution of self.  To come away from an interaction with thoughts about what the other didn’t do, or wasn’t available to do, is only a mirror for our own self to explore.  99% of the time.

So where does it all start?

Personal development, self time and reflection and yes physical exploration.  What do you like, what don’t you like AND can you communicate that to your partner.  What arises in the act of this?

Fear, embarrassment, hurt, pain… What a wonderful pot of mud to jump in and explore.  Maybe on the precipice of it, it may not look it beautiful, but Ooooohhhh the Ooooooh at the other end of it will be well worth your time.  Believe me!

I’ll leave you with some links for wonderful people already out in the world doing this work;

Layla Martin
John Wineland

So much love x

conversations on sex