One of my biggest challenges in life so far is one of surrender.
Surrendering to what is, as opposed to what I want to be.
A lot of the time it is relatively easy. Surrendering to a rest when I wanted to exercise. Surrendering to not getting all the housework done when there are other to do’s to do. Surrendering to not going out with friends when I need to catch up with myself.
These are all lessons in there own regard, but one’s I’ve been able to go with the flow with.
But what if the lessons are a little larger to let go of, what if it is something that you can feel grips you until your breaking point?
Currently it feels as though my experience of life changes daily. What I thought I previously understood, changes in an instant!
Thoughts I’ve had about how to do something, or how I think something will unfold, can change as quickly as a thought.
And in that statement it says it all really.
Because everything that we believe is only a mere thought that can be changed in an instant.
And so to be in the experience of, is really all there is.
So how can one be attached to thoughts in life when they are mere fictions in our mind?
It is the conditioning of the mind, and the lessons of a lifetime to undo the conditioning of what we have learnt.
I find myself in observation of being attached to particular thoughts, only to discover that these are untrue.
My most recent one is recognizing how my Ego wants recognition.
Having commenced a ‘new’ job, one where I felt like I knew the basics of really well, I found it quite a challenge to be treated as a newbie and have to under go the training of it all over again.
I found that internally I was saying quite often “I know this, or I know that”.
It made me feel less than, to think that these people thought I knew nothing all over again.
(This wasn’t truth, merely my own projection of how I feel about myself).
And so my ego felt somewhat wounded, wounded through lack of recognition.
And in this, I realize how much I seek recognition. Recognition that I somehow know enough, and not just within the confines of my job, but in life.
I want people to recognize that I know what I know. To believe that I am as amazing as I believe myself to be.
I am aware of how I wish more than anything, for people to see me and be in awe of.
Which when I really ask myself, is not how I want to live my life. Being awed. I want everyone to recognize their own awe within. The Guru within.
This feels like one small puzzle piece in the recent jumbo puzzle that is unfolding. The one where I pulled my energies back into place, and saw that I no longer needed to ‘fit in’ to be accepted. That it is actually ok, to simply be me. And in aligning with simply being me, I am learning new lessons around this.
That now, people might not resonate with me, because I am me. And that that’s not my fault, or problem. I don’t need to change who I am in order to make them more comfortable or like me.
I have often kept myself in a safe space of creating an illusion of being on a pedestal. Not that I think that I’m any better than anyone else, but it has been a mechanism that has kept me safe. If I am ok, and somewhat understanding of those around me, then I cannot be vulnerable. Which again is another untruth. Because I am surrendering more and more to being vulnerable. If I am not open to being vulnerable, then how can I invite others to be?! However this is also something than continues to unfold.
Breaking down the confines of who you think you are, to move towards who you innately are, is one courageous feat, and I feel like it is something that does not end. Perhaps in stages within our lives we are confronted with greater shifts that need to happen, as opposed to the more subtle one’s that happen almost unknowingly like shedding dry skin in winter.
At times we are called to pull deep within our being in order to acknowledge our inner call, initially we might not like what we see, and might be in fear of what hides beneath, this is why it takes courage. Courage that cannot be found on Facebook or our Instagram feed. We all have the resources that will see us through this journey, but will we take it? We hear about it through our stories and our social media, but to personally undertake it, is such a different story. It is our own.
It may take us away from what we understand in life to be real, it may take us away from the people in our lives we thought would be there rain, hail or shine. It may feel lonely & isolating at times, and that no one is the world could understand what we’re experiencing.
The truth will set you free. And you will be & you are.
Free from the confines of your mind that has kept you trapped from a life that was created to keep you safe.
Safe from what? Well, I’ll let you explore that, and it will all become clear when you take your first steps towards your truth.
If you are experiencing steps towards becoming your own Guru, and are in need of guidance, I offer Be Your Own Guru Coaching. Reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org