For the last week or so, I feel like I my personal growth is changing my relationship.
Everything has been up for review.
Where I live
My Relationship with Neil
My J.O.B at lululemon
The Condo I live in
My light & purpose in the world/my calling
That’s a lot of balls to have up in the air in one go.
It’s only been the past two days that life seems to feel a lot better. I seem to have a renewed sense of presence. Childlike I would describe. Where I wake, and a day is a day, an opportunity to explore and adventure and see what magic shows up.
Prior to that there was a crumbling. A crumbling of an idea of what I thought my life might look like. Ideas around what my mind had conceived my life might look like. My life with Neil. Settle down, buy a house, renovate it, have kids, live on the opposite side of the world from my family & loved ones. It wasn’t one I felt completely enthralled about, as it didn’t have my souls calling embedded within it.
And so, with the past few days and everything up in the air, it has all been in review. Neil has asked me; “well what do you want for your life”? (An external question, to match the internal one I continue to ask myself). The only answer I can conjure is “To be happy, to feel good!” Well that’s a given he might say, what ‘things’ do you want? ie – kids etc… I simply do not know? I cannot answer that!? I am neither against or for? I believe if a soul chooses me to be its Mother then I will feel it and will know that I am to be a Mum.
(I read a story on this some years ago – and decided that this is what I wanted for myself.)
The soul will choose me.
And so right now, one of the situations in front of me, is whether the Heidi & Neil story will continue?
I feel like I am rising at the speed of light, into the light. Getting brighter and brighter day by day, and in my light, it is inviting Neil into his. Right now he is resisting. He is frustrated and angry. There is nothing I can do about who he is choosing to be right now, and what it is that he is dealing with. I can only continue on my path of light and being responsible for feeling good. Feeling GOD. I feel like my personal growth is changing my relationship.
Today I have been called to write him a letter. It feels like a letter written by my soul, and likely a little of my ego, and right now I am debating whether I give it to him. How will it land, will it make him more angry, will it cause us to break-up? Again I am not responsible for how it lands for him, or for what he chooses to feel.
I write this here as “GOD knows!” – *throws hands in the air*
I’m sure at this time of light, there are more than a few of us experiencing a very similar experience. I have been very fortunate to share space with someone this morning and talk about this, as they are experiencing the same.
Relationships aren’t all rainbows and unicorns. They take courage and personal responsibility. Conscious ones anyway. Co-Dependent Relationships are another conversation.
If you are experiencing a similar situation, I would love to hear how you are handling it. What are you choosing for yourself right now?
In love – always xx