Heidi Firth I don’t like to tell you, the reader, how to live your life.
Do this, or do that, and you will get xyz.
There are enough ‘GURUs’ and blog sites out there, that will tell you your ‘5 Steps to your dream life’ or ’10 steps to a healthier you’.
Your task, if you choose to accept, is to find your own personal key, so that you can connect to your internal life manual and;
PERSONALLY ANSWER EVERY QUESTION YOU HAVE EVER ASKED!
Back in the day, I operated my life – pretty disconnected from my body, which is kinda funny considering I was worked as a Personal Trainer.
I was head down, bum up, and heading full speed in which ever direction I was facing.
I got shit done, but there was not a lot of balance within the rest of my life.
I thought I was in control, but turns out, I controlled my external life, as a means to feel in control, of an internal world that I was totally out of control with.
My thoughts about myself and food were my main two culprits.
– How I felt about myself.
– How I felt about myself when I ate.
As these thoughts were always forefront, there was often not much room for anything else.
These thoughts drove my life. How I felt about myself, dictated the amount of exercise I’d do. How I’d eat, dictated how I felt about myself, and how I controlled or binged. If I binged, then I had to balance that activity out with more exercise, and so, I was trapped in this cycle that was relentless.
At the time, I thought this was completely normal. I fit into the Personal Trainer mold, who cared overtly about what she ate, and how she exercised. I even competed in a Womens Body Building Competition which was the perfect hideout for all of my inner demons to work their magic. I found preparing for the competition easy in a sense, as I operated from my mind and my behaviors, I wasn’t at all connected to how I actually felt about things.
The relentless exercising and strict eating = I didn’t feel it.
Who I was being in relation to my partner = no idea.
When I injured my shoulder = barely skipped a beat.
Though I’ve noticed this way of being, this type of behavior, has come to be modus operandom or ‘normal’ for a great many people today.
Whether it is a body building competition, or copying the habits of your latest Instagram fitness Guru/s, we live in a world where we have become SO focused on our external environments as a means to making us feel good!
But underneath it all. The thoughts, food & rigorous exercising, what is really going on?
Often at the core, there is a the lonely, sad, deep need of ours for love and acknowledgement.
It might look different, or slightly similar per individual.
This is the part that drives us. That drives our need to eat a certain way, to follow a particular exercise trend.
We believe that if we look a certain way, then we’ll be accepted, and we will be loved. Well, this was my story – the one that was my pilot to my vehicle.
This pilot (inner self), within our vehicle, (body), is what is driving our habits and ways of living.
What we want in life, is dictated by this inner self.
After my competition, I had worked SO hard towards that goal, that slowly as the weeks unfolded, I lost focus. Of course I was still attentive to my physic, however I no longer had that finish line to strive for.
I slowly kept up with my training, but something deep within me was stirring.
It sat deep within my belly, I put it down to the amount of bread & junk food I was now giving myself permission to consume post competition. I continued on with my workouts and 80:20 strict eating
A heaviness was growing within me.
Back then I was oblivious to my inner world, and so the ‘strength’ I knew, was to keep pushing through.
I pushed with my workouts. I pushed with my work. I pushed with current clients. I pushed hard in every area of my life.
One by one, my clients began to let go of my services.
My income started to dwindle.
No matter how I tried to conjure up more sessions, it seemed nothing was working for me.
My business partner called a meeting to invite my separation from co-ownership, as she was witnessing my struggle.
I was putting on weight from my increased binges & lack of drive to balance it with intense exercise.
My motivation started waning.
My external world was crumbing and falling apart as I knew it.
And I too was falling apart on the inside, like the World Trade Centre.
I had no idea what was happening to me.
My self esteem was deflating.
I was lost and suffering.
It was somewhere around here, that I begun to regularly meditate.
I had meditated previously, but didn’t have what you would call a regular practice.
Step by step, I began to connect in with my inner world. My inner self. My pilot.
She was like a long lost part of me that I had cast aside in a cupboard and thrown away the key.
One can imagine how someone who had been in a cupboard may feel.
She had created the breaking down of my external environment to get my attention to come within to myself.
I now needed to build my relationship with her, and re-create a life that included her in it, not separate to.
My story continues on and on from here…
“A life lived in disconnection from our inner selves, is one that does not include our whole essence. Is one that misses a deep resonance with life & its meaning. To live and not feel our darkest lows and our highest highs escapes the wonder and magnificence that is being human. Being out of alignment with our inner world, skips wonderous magic that curves the tapestry of our lives… A life without moments of being, is not a life lived at all. To miss the magic that is our essence, and arrive at the end, is a very very unfortunate realization to wake up too.
I invite the wonder in you, to rise up and challenge the wonder in all of humanity. Give space to your truth, dive deep, and hold still the rich vastness that is you. Breathe in your magic and unlock the gates of mystery. Peace & Love are within us all. The time is now to rise and uprise”.
There are literally THOUSANDS of Meditations on the internet at this wonderful time in our lives. Why not head over to YouTube and search for one you like. As a suggestion, try an Inner Child meditation, to support in your connection with him or her. Here’s a few by one of my favorites, Louise Hay to get you started.
Should you need support in working with your connection to your Inner Child, and anything that arises, please feel free to reach out to me.
I am currently available for One on One sessions.
Heidi
Phone: +1 778-679-6727
Skype: heidi.firth
