Guru hacks to simplify life

Here are 9 life hacks that over time I have learnt and put into practice that support in simplify my life.  I’ve found them to assist in clearing the clutter of my mind and align me more strongly with my Inner Guru.

1              REST
When your body is tired, and all you can think about is needing a rest, take a rest!  Your body is your vehicle.  When your car is out of gas, can you get to where you’re going?  Ahhhhh NO, you need to stop & refuel.  Your bodies’ gas is rest and nutritious food.

When you’ve rested, the world will look very different and you’ll feel very renewed moving forward within it.  Sleeping is the No. 1 free healthcare that you can give yourself.  Don’t under estimate the power of a nap.  It can reset your whole being.  Especially in times of great stress and change, we process so much in our dream state.

Often times if we are tired, we encounter blocks and resistance, sometimes frustration in relation to getting tasks complete.  Take a rest, come back refreshed, and notice how much more life flows freely for you.

2              SEEKING ANSWERS/NEW INFORMATION/MEMORY
When asking a question that you want an answer to, drop your thinking and searching about it. Make an intention before you go to bed to receive the answer when you awake.
The same goes for information you’re seeking.  Ask the question, let it go, and trust the solution will show up when needed.

If you can’t remember a piece of information that you’re searching for, drop it.  Forget about it.  Trust that it will show up, you will remember, or someone will remind you at some point, and you will have it.  Don’t stress your pretty face by digging in your memory banks.  Our minds have our own built-in ‘cloud’, we simply need to remember how to use it.  Send that little request to your cloud “what was the name of that person I meet a week ago who said they were a social media guru?”  Drop it, then be prepared to receive that information when you least expect it.

3              PRODUCTIVITY
When you’re not able to be productive in your work and daily tasks, or things are not flowing, you’re not able to get tasks complete.  Stop, take a break, take the afternoon off, or take the day off.

Trust that when the energy returns for powering through your tasks, you will.  Life happens in ebb and flow cycles.  We can’t maintain the same level of productivity day in day out, we’re not robots, we weren’t designed to do that.  Work with the energy that is available on any given day.  As Women, we have a built in birth/death cycle.  There are times when we are amazingly productive, and there are times where it is time to shed, renew and restore.  As within, so without.

Get in tune with yours to know where you’re at, and attune your life to match it.  You’re find a renewed flow in your world!

4              SELF CARE
When you really don’t want to do that thing you committed to, cancel.  Have integrity with yourself.  Often we feel SO obliged to do the things.  Keep up with each other, go to the party, the dinner, the work function, the school event.  Our lives are OH SO FULL.

If you are feeling like you simply don’t want to go, listen to that.  Honor yourself and politely cancel.  If you go, feeling the way you feel, sure you can push through, sure you can carry yourself in positive stead through the event, but what is your inner dialogue saying?  Is it in alignment with who you are showing up as?  The separation between the two, can be fuel to the pending guilt, cold, sore throat, or just plain old resentment for having gone and not wanting too.
Your self care is primary, no one can give to you what you CHOOSE to give to you.  It is OK to disappoint others in the path of giving to you.  You are not responsible for what their reaction might be to your action, of course have compassion.  Because the alternative is to disappoint you, in the name of keeping others happy.  What do you chose?

5              EMOTIONS = energy in motion
When they need to happen, let them!
When a feeling feels super uncomfortable, all the more reason to sit in it.
Just stop on both accounts, sit and let nature take its course.  The rain doesn’t try not to rain because the people down below need it not to, it does, and it doesn’t apologize for it.  Don’t dance around what is happening in the here and now.

Don’t try to get to your destination when there is an obstacle in the middle of the road, driving around it, and leaving it for others to deal with (and others ARE having to deal with it).

Pause.  Breathe.  Allow.  Then move forward again with fresh perspective and grace.

6              PEOPLE/CONNECTIONS
Like someone you met, but didn’t get their details.  Throw the thought to the wind.  If you’re meant to see them again, they will cross your path.  If they don’t, they are not meant to, and be thankful for the beautiful moment you shared.

7              KNOWLEDGE & WISDOM INTEGRATION
We are living in an information era.  Where we can read about any topic, and instantly understand it.  Books, Blogs, Articles, Magazines etc…  It is easy to think we have a handle on a certain topic because we have read extensively on in, but this doesn’t mean that we know something to be true, or have integrated this knowledge.
eg;
We might understand our pain body and emotions because we’ve read Eckhart Tolle, but until we’ve actually worked through something so emotionally challenging with a skilled practitioner or other, we are just reciting intellectual knowledge, not guru centered wisdom

8              FOOD/NUTRITION
We all know what habits we should or shouldn’t be doing, it is innate.  That quiet voice within is constantly guiding us.  It is our ego that yells over the top, often dictating whether to listen or not, based on its’ fears and conditioning.

We know that we should, or shouldn’t eat the sugary ladened treat, the fast food, the quick fix ‘treat’ that is masking our underlying emotions.

I have learnt to trust, that when the timing is right, and that I’m ready to let go of unhealthy habits, then I will.  Fighting against them is futile.  That said, there needs to be a willingness to allow the emotion/s to surface.

If you wish to create change in your eating habits, listen to your emotions, tune into what is happening in your life externally also.  Are you going through a tough time where you are needing that extra food support?  There is a reason why we do what we do.

When we learn to address our emotional needs, the shift in eating naturally occurs without to much effort.

Sitting with our emotions, taking time to journal them, speak to a trained therapist, process them as needed, supports our external distraction drivers.

9              TRAVEL
When travelling always carry with you your refillable water bottle, if you drink coffee – a reusable cup (keep cup), travel cutlery, a bamboo straw for those hydrating coconuts, and a fabric shopping bag.  If you want to reach super Guru status, carry a takeaway food container also.

This planets’ not decomposing plastic any faster than our ability to stop producing it, so PLEASE be an Earth Guru and be prepared to reduce your plastic consumption. If you have friends traveling, jump on your soap box, and inspire them to do the same also.

If you would like to dive into any of these topic further, reach out to Heidi;

Join the Be Your Own Guru Community here

Connect with Heidi here

 

Ascension and Twin Flame Union

Ooooo weeee, we’re on another doozy of a ride right now!

There are many ascension shifts happening on this dear planet of ours, we’re feeling it in our fibers of being, manifesting into our deepest thoughts, and rippling into the Earth where she is feeling us.

I have been beginning to see the fruits of my labor these past months.  This quiet time that I had given myself, why it was SO necessary, and what I have risen to in the invitation to go within.

I had an uncomfortable decision to make months ago.  I was uncomfortable in my skin, and I just didn’t know why.  I was deep into comparison mode, low in self belief and confidence and just wasn’t feeling my bright shiny self.

I was a part of a trio of friends that had come together to create something, we had a vision, and it was manifesting at a rapid rate, except that I wasn’t contributing to it physically, there was something in me that wasn’t moving forward within it.

It felt like something external to me, and the space I was in was not connecting with it.  I shared how I was feeling with the others, and they supportivly listened and reflected back where I was at, but it didn’t shift anything.  It only made me feel worse.  The next day, while at work, going over the situation in my mind, it occurred to me that I just needed to let go of the whole thing.  It made zero sense, but it felt like the right decision to make.  Right then and there, I needed to share this, to clear it and make the shift that was needed.

In making this decision, I immediately began to feel better.  Lighter, freer, more at peace.  I finally felt at ease with my peers.  However, there was still dust that needed to settle.  We never created the opportunity to speak and clear in person, and so the Universe stepped in and decided to play her cards and magic.

This time apart from them, saw me return to my own self.  I came to remember the magical being that I am.  No more comparison, no more wondering why I wasn’t doing the things, and trying to make S.H.I.T happen, just me.

In me returning to me, it became apparent that I hadn’t be choosing me so fully, that I’d lost connection to me somehow.  I’d been swept up in the physicality of life, and in the desire to create the things.

Returning to me, reminded me that me is all there is.  My connection to self and personal energy and vibration are all that matters.  A deeper relationship with myself was beginning to grow.  Now – I’ve been doing me for YEARS – but this was another layer of relationship growing.  Oh the layers!

Daily practices of Meditation, Wim Hof Breathing, Energy Clearing, listening to the teachings of Abraham all became my tools.  It has been the MOST important thing to wake up and align to me first and foremost!  A natural move away from Social Media and the noise that is there felt right, and a peacefulness in the simplicity of being stepped in.

No need to check what anyone else was up to, sharing, had to say, event that was on, just the beauty of being and knowing that everything is within.

This new relationship with myself is joyous and delicious, like a gift I have no intention of sharing lightly, (yet).  Choosing only things that fulfill me, or give to another in need.

Fast forward to last weekend, I found myself in the position of a Cannabis Oil ride!  Not intentional at all, but somehow divine, magical and profound.

I was with two friends this one afternoon in Queenstown, and one friend had in his pocket, a small bottle of the oil.  He opened it, tapped some onto his hand, and licked it off.  I asked him about it, and its effects.  He said it would just make one feel relaxed.  I extended out my hand towards him.

I licked if off without thought, curious at the taste, and that was that.  Our conversation continued until it was time to take Jen home.

Many hours later at the dinner table in my home, surrounded by my housemates, good cheer, and the most delicious sticky date pudding EVER, I am loosing it!  I am giggling and crying and having a relationship with my dessert.  Kate asks, “what did he give you?”

At this point it’s becoming a little trippy trying to speak, and explain what the heck is going on through the tears of laughter.  I retreat to the lounge where YouTube and Tash Sultana are there to greet me.

As soon as I sit on the couch, I know I’m in for a ride.  I can understand what Tash is saying through her music.  She is responding to my thoughts and together we’re in a conversation.  I think “oh shit, here we go again”, as just a short number of years previously I’d experienced a similar ride that saw my consciousness shift monumentally.  Read that post here.  So understandably fear arose then and there.

Though this was part of the beauty that was about to unfold.  Every thought, feeling and emotion was heard and reflected by Tash, and our souls were in dialogue, guiding through the journey of surrendering into the fear, and releasing that old, all that was no longer needed.

For hours we ‘talked’.  I shifted and surrendered years of crap that was no longer needed, as I ascended higher into what was calling me.  It was apparent that I’d reached an ascension.  I heard words that bookmarked that moment.  I felt a wave of relief, knowing that I was working tirelessly to shift these patterns.

But the ride was not over yet!  Round two.

So the journey with Tash continued, and inner dance of surrender.  Her song – Jungle, singing to me the sounds of another journey I was/am on.  My Twin Flame Journey.

I have been diving into this a bit over the past months.  Watching YouTube videos, and gathering knowledge and insights into what this is and signs and symptoms.  This song that she was singing, was a direct message from my DM to me.

In my minds eye I saw the fabric of the Universe.  I saw our place within it, and the DNA helix that creates it.  I saw my light, and purpose in this lifetime, and the current fear that is preventing me from stepping up so fully into my power.  I breathed through fear that is keeping me small, and saw how this solo journeying work that I’ve been doing has been SO necessary, (the reason why I shared the above story).

I saw clearly.

Then suddenly I knew we were in Union.  We’d reached Union in the non-physical.  Our souls have made contact and have connected completely in the Energetic, it is only a matter of time, final lessons, and surrendering until we connect in the Physical.

I know for sure that I am on this ride.  Signs are so clear, intuition is high, and communication is happening in the 5D.  There is so much magic here and right now it’s not the right time to dive in and share, but in time, it will be right.

So for now, I just wanted to write and share this aspect of the ride, as it has been monumental and extraordinary.  So perfect, magical and wild.

My ego mind has been a curious monkey, and it is incredible how much we are to surrender what we think we know, in the quest for greater connection and understanding.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for being here and riding this wave with me, stay tuned for more all in divine time.

Ascension & Twin Flame Union

As always, I am here to support.

If you’re interested in exploring this topic more deeply, connect with me;

Join the Be Your Own Guru Community here

Connect with Heidi here

 

One year on home soil

It’s kinda tough to illustrate 1 year in just a few words or images, but this month, it’s been 1 year that I’ve been back on home soil.

I can’t quite believe it.

1 year ago I landed all bright eyed and optimistic of what was to come being back in the West and in New Zealand.

Well, it’s been a doozy!

I made beautiful friends, fell in love, enjoyed my first season snowboarding (bucket list tick).  Gotten clear on what I intend to create for my next life’s chapter.  I found a deeper home within.

On the flip side; friends have gone, old ways died and dissolved, hearts broken, unknowns expanded, a whole new way being birthed.

It’s tough to paint in words the internal shifts and changes that have taken place – as I’m the only one who can see there.

But I just wanted to bookmark this moment. Acknowledge 1 year in New Zealand. My first year back after 18 away.

I know I’m at the beginning of some great new beginnings, I can feel it. Maybe it’s Spring? Maybe it’s the stars? I know it’s everything. Everything I’ve done, grown, shifted, transformed. It’s all coming together.

In time, the internal will show externally.

Being wild amidst the tame

My mind is a busy monkey at present.

Integrating my Bali reality with this current New Zealand reality.

I’ve been trying to pin point the words, to somehow capture and solidify my experience. In doing so, hoping to find some sort of solidarity that I can grab a hold of with both hands.

But it’s not coming. It’s not happening.

And then I remember what I signed up for.

I didn’t sign up for normal. I didn’t sign up for comfortable.

Somewhere way back when, my soul made a contract to be wild and free, so trying to fit this into its current surrounds is something akin to bringing the wild back into the city. It won’t fit anymore, in fact it’s likely to go more wild.

I see that Brene Brown has just released a new book, so I’m reading the sample pages available on Amazon.com. In the first pages I come across this snippet as she is discussing Maya Angelou in a 1973 interview. Maya says;

“You are only free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”

To which I resonate so greatly, I cry.

In conclusion, I’m not going to find the right words, it’s never going to make sense, I am the wild space between the words that are undiscovered and free. It’s up to me to surrender to that, and come from that place. Wild makes no sense. Wild is WILD. This is why we feel at peace and at home within nature, our brain has to give up trying to understand it, and just get out of the way to come to peace.

So dear Heidi, give up the understanding and just own the wild and free that you.

2017 & finding my words again

2017 is here, 2016 fades, and I’m learning to find my words again.

For me, 2016 still lingers, like a bad smell that won’t quit.  A reminder of the epic lessons thrown at me.  The relentless pummeling, like being dumped in a massive surf break that appears as endless as an Australian Summer.

Last year was a massive year of endings, lessons, transformations, challenges & every other color in between that.  I was forced to let go of anything and everything I knew to be true, AND, any form of external safety or security I had created.

I found myself living in Bali for the full duration, with a brief trip to Australia for a visa run.  Other than that, it was life in a Silent Retreat for 8.5 months, followed by life in Ubud, Bali.

In hindsight now, I can see that I simply needed to make the decision to be here, rather than leave decisions to the wind and magically hope that Bali would simply provide everything I could need.  But hindsights are always that aren’t they, seeing life clearly once you’ve been on the rollercoaster ride of life adventure.

It was scary being here.  Scary in the not knowing, it still is.  Of surrendering to the fact that we are not control.  I struggle with this dance.  Of choosing a direction and trusting that I will be supported in it.  I think I am still holding the scars from the last time I trusted this process.  Leaving Australia for Canada, and then leaving Canada for New Zealand.  I’m smart ya know – I do understand that life is about experiences – adventure.  Successes and Failures.  But today I acknowledge *yet again* the pain of hurt in my heart from something that ended so abruptly.

So I struggle to choose something and trust.  Hence the non choosing of my life here in Bali.  To just wander and drift and hope that life would show up for me.  And it has, I have constantly been provided for.  Amazing friends & family who have provided accommodation, food & listening loving ears whenever I have needed.

But this way of living has invited a sense of hopelessness, a mistrust within myself that I didn’t hold the power to make anything happen, that I was at the complete mercy of life to carry me where I needed to go.  Even today I still feel like this.  Just having finished a conversation with a new friend in a coffee shop, I still feel powerless to life.

I know no one knows where they are going, but I for one feel like I’m leading the party on the mission to no where.  Sometimes I feel like I have it right, and everyone else has it wrong.  Because we aren’t going anywhere, we are only here. Right here, right now.  In fact to think we are going anywhere else but here is laughable!

“Want to make god laugh?  Tell him your plans.”

But my lesson of the year, is one of trust & co-creation.  Of working with the law of attraction to make the desirable occur.  I want a home.  I have to choose a home. Sounds basic right?  Yes.  But I’ve lacked the fundamental self belief that I am worthy of anything, so therefore chose to not choose anything.  And because I chose nothing, then nothing showed up, despite me wanting stuff.  I was in-congruent with my core belief – “I’m not worthy.”  So keep attracting more of not being worthy.  Ouch!

I’m on the final straight of this doozy of a lesson.  I am SO done with believing I am not enough, it serves NO ONE!

Yes – I have chosen that I want a home & am actively searching.  It is taking it’s sweet time for sure, but I’m putting it down to the right one making it’s way to me.  I am receiving messages that this lesson is near completion, that I have done the work, and that now it’s about letting go and allowing the final completion to occur with gratitude for all it’s wonder and juiciness.

I gave thanks to my dear Sista – Samaya last night, she has opened up her home to me & has made me feel nothing but welcome.  I said to her, if this is the final hurrah of this lesson, I’ve been given such a wonderful opportunity by sharing such quality time with her.

Forgive my writing, but I’m still finding my writing pants – I think I have lost them from the constant bed hopping that I’ve been participating in.  Writing feels like I am swimming in an alphabet stew and cannot connect the correct letters, let alone words, to put together.  I used to find writing & blogging so easy – but currently it’s like trying to swim to the surface after being pummeled by those said waves in the beginning.

2017 finding my words again

This is an Osho card reading I gave myself last night.  Depicting the situation at hand.
1 – The Issue – Consciousness
2 – What I’m present to internally – Innocence
3 – What needs to happen externally – Letting Go
4 – What is currently happening – Transformation
5 – The Outcome – Completion

3 of these cards being Major Arcana Cards – representing BIG lessons at play.

6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

Perhaps you’ve read about the awakening process or are going through it yourself.  The world is shifting and people are awakening to the truth of this life. It can be a scary initiation that is a preparation into your unique life purpose and why you are living this life.  One that has more meaning than that of simply following the society norm of which we have been conditioned to through our up bringing.

To help a little, and normalize what you might be experiencing, I’ve compiled 6 examples to support your surrender and remind you you aren’t alone.

I know when I experienced these, I felt like I was the only person on Earth and didn’t understand what was happening.  Please know you’re not alone as many have gone before you, and are right alongside you right now.  At this time there is an abundance of people available to support you and understand your experience.

6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

  • 1 – Something outside of your control happens;

    Maybe you lost your job?
    A large financial challenge occurs.
    You move homes, or locations.
    You’re going through a divorce or separation with a loved one.
    Someone dear to you passes on.
    A desired outcome was not fulfilled.

    Situations that occur beyond what our Ego has calculated can invite an opportunity for fear to visit.  This is not a bad thing.  Merely a chance to test our resiliency and feel emotions we may not have allowed ourselves to feel by being in our mapped out existence.  When we know what we know, well…  When we don’t know what we don’t know…

  • 2 – Feeling emotional for unknown reasons;

    You experience a spectrum of emotions for unknown (or maybe known) reasons. But you really do not understand WHY you feel this magnified way about this unknown, or known thing, but you do.  You feel like reclusing, hiding, you are unsure how to cope.

    When life happens for us externally, it can activate emotions that are suppressed within our psyche.  Something may have happened during our childhood years, or perhaps past lives, that we weren’t able to process, that now as an adult we have the capacity to.

  • 3 – Feeling alone/misunderstood in usual social situations;

    Going out tonight, you didn’t really feel like going.  But you go because you feel a sense of obligation.  It’s what you ‘should’ do.  The small talk at the outing feels really really hard. You long to simply be at home, or be able to talk about what is really going on in your life, but you feel far to vulnerable to show how you really feel and fear being judged and feeling like ‘that person’.  That person who is struggling with life and doesn’t have it all together.  Because of course we should, right?  (tongue in cheek)

    As our consciousness is shifting and we are awakening to a whole new world of thoughts, feelings, emotions and ways of being in the world, we begin to shift and out grow or existing reality.

  • 4 – Increased sensitivity to usual environments & information

    Watching the News, or reading Newspapers is no longer enjoyable. You don’t like the fear mongering in these stores, they make you feel bad.  You prefer to scroll Social Media for feel good stories, articles and information, watch YouTube Videos and choose to inform yourself on what ‘the people’ are sharing.  There are great things happening in the world too!  You are consciously choosing to feel good, not bad.

    You might be beginning to notice how easy it is to feel bad based on environmental factors.  Media, people, environments, food, bars, clubs, places you used to put your energy into.  You’ll be making conscious choices for what makes you feel good vs bad.

  • 5 – Falling away of current friendships

    You’re feeling like your current circle of friends don’t understand you and what is happening.  You struggle to talk to them and feel really uncomfortable when you try.  When you do, they console you with things like:
    – it’ll pass
    – you’ll be right // you’ll get through this
    – everyone goes through something
    – did you know such and such had xyz happen – you’re lucky compared to them
    It’s not their fault they don’t know how to acknowledge you, but you feel no better, maybe worse and more alone from not feeling heard.

    Yup – this is a tricky, and personal one to navigate.  Ensure you seek support from a practitioner who can acknowledge how you feel.  How you feel IS important and valid and it’s absolutely irrelevant to compare your situation to another person going through the same or different circumstances.  We are all unique and riding our own life waves.

  • 6 – There is discomfort in the life you once felt comfort

    Suddenly, being in large populated areas like shopping malls, supermarkets now aggravates you. The bright lights, artificial food & packaging, screaming children, intense energy, the sense of stress and urgency from over worked faces around you.  Not to mention the stress of getting in and out of the car park!

    Another uncomfortable one, but a great opportunity to acknowledge you and your needs.  There are other options available that don’t have to include going to a busy supermarket or mall.  Lucky now we have home gardens, whole foods stores, weekend markets, organic delivery services, co-ops.  Start doing some research if you haven’t already to connect with local people, create grass roots connections with others around you who are connected to the Earth.  Life isn’t a fast food store, so we shouldn’t live like it.

    Lots of wonderful unfolding lessons will show themselves in time.  This is a magical time where you will see more than you have before.  It may not feel like it at the time, but remember to breathe, seek support and know you are not alone in this.

 

6 Signs You're Experiencing the Awakening Process
The Awakening Process to Freedom

 

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How do I heal my Inner Child?

There hasn’t been much inspiration for blogging recently, I’ve been knee deep in emotional healing, loving my Inner Child, much to the disappointment of my inner ‘get things done’ self.  Apparently now is a time of deep inner healing, as reflected to me by my healer friend.

There’s been resistance with the acceptance of this, I mean, I am in the perfect place to be healing, but seriously, how long does one have to heal for – can I get on with the show already? Am I right?

It feels as though this year has been relentless in the pursuit of healing. The whole of 2016! In numerology this year is a 9 year, a year of endings. 2+0+1+6=9. Representing the ending of a 8/9 year cycle, and I tell you what, these numbers aren’t lying.  This last year feels like it has been dying a slow death, like the transition of seasons from fall to winter – but longer.

After spending 8.5 months in a Silent Retreat, 2.5 in Ubud – I feel like physically, I have not achieved one thing. Sure, there may be a few blog posts to show, pages and pages of scribbled journaling’s – most of which are ash by now.  I have 2 suitcases filled with my belongings & have accumulated one beautiful gifted wooden Ganesha representative of destroying my obstacles.  Sounds like a pretty clean simple year no?

Internally it looks like the Sahara desert, intuitively I feel endless rolling hills of cleared debris & destruction.  You can’t see my inner landscape, I can’t prove to you how much inner work I’ve done. We cannot sit and compare notes and graphs about who’s inner work is going to have the biggest return on investment, because this shit can’t be seen. When times like this in life present, (and yes I say times like this, as this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this), it is so easy to forget that life exists outside of the inner destruction that has occurred.

I forget that there IS a life of dreams and desires, of the world’s greatest riches. I forget that there are manifestations of unknown awaiting my rebirth into the world. I forget that there is a sea of possibility just begging me to grab a hold of it with both hands. I forget that I am a valued being on this planet and another voice for Mother Earth. I forget. I am lost in my inner Star Wars Movie – the battle of the dark side against the light.

how do I heal my Inner Child?

This recent battle is just about over. One that has invited my inner teenager with all her wounds, aches and pains. I was gifted a beautiful encounter with a gorgeous Balinese Man who’s smile was enough to make my heart melt, and it pretty much did. It has been about one full year since anyone had looked at me, so to feel my butterflies dance in my tummy was a strange, but exciting feeling – I decided to explore it. Why not?

Edges were met & my fears emerged, I didn’t know whether to let the whole thing go and continue to protect my precious heart, or to open and expand despite these fears. A trip back to the Silent Retreat and a deep dig towards some inner courage saw me return to Ubud lighter and ready to explore.

My heart was opened again and I felt as vulnerable as a fresh teenager rich with new hormones. She was out in full force. The beauty of this relationship was a test of this vulnerable part of myself – would she seek fulfillment in another, or would I (adult Heidi) rise to the challenge and be there to catch her – to meet her needs.

Heart open, arms wide, I was there to catch her, there could be no other way, because he was not available, nor is it his job. His heart closed, encased behind walls of hurt & pain. She kicked & screamed and yelled at me for love, so show up for her did. Time spent laying on my bed, holding my heart, tears streaming, journaling & meditation to hold her tightly was all I could do from going crazy thinking about him.

An external force brought into my world to make me show up stronger than I ever have for myself.  It’s been a good month of parenting myself, it has been wild & relentless. I am SO thankful to see who I am and understand how to care for me, to not throw myself at another in the vain ‘hope’ that he will give me what I needed to give myself.

The relationship has come to a close, and I am feeling a little more settled within my heart, aware of new lessons on the cusp. Trust & Intimacy… This inner work, really is akin to work – seriously! If there was a way to be paid for it, I would be onto the winning ticket.

Our relationships really are nothing but mirrors for us. Showing up to teach us the deepest parts of ourselves we have not yet met. It takes courage to engage in conscious relationships – that shit ain’t easy.

“the road can teach you how to love and let go,
it can be lonely, but it’s the only thing, that we’ve ever known…”

Wash It Away
Nahko Bear

> If you’re needing support in gaining clarity around your Inner Child within relationships, contact me at me@heidifirth.com or Be Your Own Guru – Worldwide on Facebook.

What is our purpose in life?

What is our purpose in life?  Today’s 99 Million Dollar Question right?!

I’ve been working with this questions quite intimately these past months here in Bali land.  Knowing for a long time there is much more to living life than just hitting the daily grind in exchange for an income.

I know this – but such is life – continuing to learn lessons, plugging along & asking life purpose reflection questions.
Each question has created an opportunity, a stepping stone to the next. Each stepping stone has requested courage & fear acknowledgement. But here’s the thing, they ARE stepping stones. We are never given what we cannot handle, and so we get to choose in each moment whether we continue with what we know, or step into that which we don’t.

Bali was and continues to be a gamble.

I have no idea what I’m doing & showing up for on a day to day basis, but I do, because sitting here in my life, I cannot & will not go backwards.

If I ‘went back’, this might look like returning to Australia or maybe New Zealand, getting a J.O.B in exchange for my life hours and a small wage in exchange for such un-priceable value. I will not do it.  (Well – it doesn’t feel like my here & now calling.  Although I have learnt to be open and step into what is needed in each moment.)

The Silent Retreat was tough. It was an inner boot camp of looking at fears, demons, and a time out & deconstruction of everything I knew to be true. The living paradigm of J.O.B working.  Compartmentalizing life.  It has since spat me out, in which I am SO grateful for. Day by day, now some 10 days on or so, life continues to show up for me because I am choosing to show up for it. I am in the hands of something far greater that has me in it’s arms.

How am I sustaining myself?
Friends, more friends, small savings & trust.

Do I know what I’m doing tomorrow?
Hell No!

Am I happy & excited?
Hell YES!

Do I get to live my life on my terms?
HELL YES!

Am I safe? A roof over my head & food to eat?
Everyday!

This is life!
This is living!

My dear chicken friend reminded me last week. There is no separation between work & play. There is only life. We shouldn’t have to invest in one to have the other. They shouldn’t need to be mutually exclusive things.

Life is life. It was given to us as our birthright to enjoy, explore, learn & play. Not to live by rules & patterning passed down from generation to generation. But the sad thing is, unless you don’t start to question, you will never learn any different, as we only know what we know. If we knew what we didn’t know, there would still be more that we didn’t know.  And so on & so on, x’s infinity!  Where does the mind go with the limitlessness of that!?

I’m reading the book “Cashflow Quadrant by Robert T Kiyosaki” right now, and a passage he shares within it is;

“We all know people who make a lot of money, but hate their work. We also know people who do not make a lot of money and hate their work. And we all know people who just work for money. A classmate of mine realized he did not want to spend his life at sea. Rather than sail for the rest of his life, he went to law school after graduation, spending three more years becoming a lawyer and entering private practice in the Self Employed Quadrant.

He died in his early fifties. He had become a very successful, unhappy lawyer. Like me, he had two professions by the time he was 26. Although he hated being a lawyer, he continued being a lawyer because he had a family, kids, a mortgage, and bills to pay.
A year before he died, I met him at a class reunion in New York. He was a bitter man.

“All I do is sweep up behind rich guys like you. They pay me nothing. I hate what I do and who I work for.”
“Why don’t you do something else?” I asked.
“I can’t afford to stop working. My first child is entering college.”
he died of a heart attack before she graduated.
he made a lot of money via his professional training, but he was emotionally angry, spiritually dead, and soon his body followed.”

Whilst this story is extreme, doesn’t it hit hard? I mean, I’m sure we know people in our sphere’s like this right? Living the daily grind, surviving not thriving.

There is no blame or finger pointing here.  This situation is what it is because we know no different, but is merely an opportunity to be open to reflect on HOW we could live differently? What would I really like to enjoy in my world? It can be a big question that brings forth a blank canvas. I know it did for me for a long time, I’ve only known that the old didn’t fit and I needed to move towards something new , un-created & unwritten.

Question with me, create, play & explore.

What is our purpose in life

Life took a drastic turn

life took a drastic turn

So days ago, in fact the day after I wrote my previous blog, my life took a drastic turn.

I have been spending extended time in a Silent Retreat, on the magical island of Bali.  It’s been a little over 8 months so far, hence my previous blog post.  (You can read that blog here.)

Upon returning from Australia, I was met with changes in my exchange at the retreat, to which I decided to step up into.  I imagined that there was a higher purpose for me being here, you know, to create something of my own contribution towards this retreat space and the hundreds of courageous souls who visit.

The next day, a whirlwind happened and I was let go!  A mass of incorrect communications took place.  Different perceptions of the same words, catapulted into miscommunication which resulted in this action.  It was wild, it was crazy, there may have been some angry words said, all necessary in the transition of this lesson.

But the strange thing is, I am not upset about it.  It feels right and I am in total acceptance that this was what had to happen.  And so now I sit in a space much like the butterfly does, as she allows her wings to dry before taking flight into a new adventure.

Mostly I feel excited and optimistic, though occasionally I feel nervous.

I want so much to step into an exciting opportunity that nurtures my soul to the highest extent.  I just want to get going, but equally flit with days of simply just needing rest and feeling exhausted.  What a ride this is.

Today feels more optimistic.  After a chat with a friend, I’m being reminded of processes akin to nature.  These support me to accept what is and to not work against my own unfolding.

Se are human beings and we have an ego.  The ego likes to know what is happening.  I know mine does.

– Where am I going?
– What do I want to do?
– How will I have money?
– Do I put my energies into Be Your Own Guru?

All these questions and more are humming along in the background that I am acknowledging.

Still I wish to act from love.  I wish to take action as & when it feels right.  Acting from fear only gets in the way, and prevents what really needs to drop in to arrive and be heard.

I explored websites my friend shared, and worked on my primary values – to help manifest & gain clarity of my next step.  These are the only steps available right now.  This, and to honor how much my body needs rest.  I nap each afternoon & am moving very gently.

One can only work with what is available & be in the dance of co-creation.  Good things take time & everything has a natural rhythm.

– BYOG

 

 

 

Ego & Silence meet… What happens?

When Ego and Silence meet, magical occurrences can happen.

Parts of ourselves become present in our minds eye, we may never have had the pleasure of meeting before.

Much like how our Apps hum along in the background of our smart phones, so too do these parts of ourselves, our ego.

They use energy subconsciously, they have been magnetizing your very life experiences.  Creating it, drawing situations closer & closer.
To create the very moment.  This very moment… in Silence where you shall meet it.

This is the personal development path.  To come to know yourself, to meet your untruth, to pave the way for THE truth, the truth of who you really are in the world.

So as you meet your yourself, your hidden subconscious, you receive the opportunity to meet who has been running the show.  Your monkey mind creator – if you will.

They may not be pretty, but these separated elements of your psyche, created by experiences in life, during developmental stages;
Infant, Toddler, Adolescent, Teenage – pivitol moments that bonded themselves in our cellular memory.
Or perhaps deeper, older?  Past Life, Generational Contracts, In Utereo… Who’s to say?

But you are here.  You are brave.  Courageous.

You are meeting YOU.  Who you are manifest in the world.

Your journey.

All humans are seekers.  Seeking our truth.  From truth, we can make conscious choice.  Choices in life, choices aligned to our greater good.  Your greater good.

There is infinite wisdom connecting with your magnetic subconscious.  It knows, even if your mind does not understand.

You can feel it.

And so, you know…

 

+ Before we meet these hidden parts of ourselves, we don’t even know they exist.  They operate subconsciously, behind the scenes, but driving us.  It is not until we are in Silence, or triggered by an external person or experience, that they arise to the surface.
+ If you need support in recognizing behaviors you know are not working for you.
Email or Message Heidi at www.heidifirth.com

meeting parts of your ego