today’s lesson… accepting love

Since going live on this site and Facebook, it has drawn out a part of me.   A scared timid part that was hiding. She’s so cleaver at hiding, I didn’t even know she was there.  Maybe she was playing hide and seek and forget to tell me the rules?

I’d had a bit of a theme running in my background about being alone, actually if I’m really honest – about not feeling worthy enough to be loved.  I had an amazing acupuncture session with Milton Lee last Thursday – and at the tail end of that session the water works exploded.  He’d said that my heart & kidneys were not communicating with each other, that my heart was nervous.  By the end of my time on his table, I was in tears having acknowledged this old untruth that I, many years ago had chosen to believe.

It’s funny you know – because it just goes to show the power of the human mind.  I, adult self, Heidi, know this NOT to be true.  I am surrounded by beautiful like minded people daily.  I am very blessed.   But this background belief, running so far from my consciousness, shapes the *reality* of the world I live in.

Ok – so it’s been on my mind – how much I would really love to meet someone, fall in love – and continue a bliss filled life together with them.  I mean, I’m 35 years old now – this can’t be an unreasonable request can it?  Friends around me are living it – why can’t I?  “Because you’re not worthy of it” says the unconscious little voice somewhere in my brain.  BOOM… Look what I am creating!

So where to from here, from this acknowledgement.  Make a choice to change.  But how?  Noticing how I choose to show up in each moment of my day.  Who am I being?  What decisions am I making?  Accepting people’s love and support.

It started last night with a visit to a friend.  As I arrived she’d made me a hot water bottle and greeted me with a warm hug, and I openly accepted it.  This morning, a Personal Training session with a Trainer to have her carry my towel & bottle from equipment to equipment.  Mildly uncomfortable, but hints of warmth and support.  Forgetting my wallet this morning and needing to ask a friend for a coffee, again a little uncomfortable – but if roles were reversed – what would I do for that friend?!

So the answer?  I don’t need to know it all right now, just notice in each moment, how can I choose to accept something different for myself?

To accept love.

Heidi Firth

"I'm living my life inspired by spirit, practicing surrender and following my guidance in each moment..."
Sounds all very idealistic & luxury right? Nope. It takes courage, strength & trust. It's fueled by blood, sweat & a lot of tears.
If it was easy, the planet wouldn't be in this state. Trust your higher purpose & be in awe of life.

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