Conversations recently are beginning to amp around the topic of sex and relationships. Perhaps it’s that Venus has recently been in Retrograde, so she’s been digging up all the stuff we needed to release and transform, preparing us for another step forward in the journey of self love and awareness.
I’m loving it, because some beautiful experiences have recently come my way. A beautiful intimate experience with another and satisfying conversations with girl friends, breaking down the aftermath of insights preceding it. It’s touched on a really deep desire to talk about and explore the intricate nature that are intimate relationships.
From the conversations had with another, to the nitty gritty of what happens in the bedroom. What this comes down to I believe, is that it’s not a topic we have been encouraged to explore and learn about since the day we were old enough to understand, what is sex & where do babies come from?
I was given a picture book which illustrated dogs and puppies to humans and babies, my girlfriend nods in acknowledgement that she too was given a book. We’re taught in school that girls get periods and to put a cotton tampon in your vagina each month and BAM that’s pretty much it, oh and to take the contraceptive pill if you’re sexually active.
There’s no information about about moon cycles, red tents, TSS – toxic shock syndrome, how to manage emotions, the emotional healing and clearing of the month, and forget about the magical wonder of being a Woman. (I don’t mean to section out Men right now. I do think there should be the equal education for Men, however at present I am reflecting on my personal story to date – as, I am a Woman).
We’re not taught about female pleasure, orgasms, yin/yang energy, kissing, boundaries or the importance of communication and the differences between Males and Females. Think Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Nope, it’s just a make things up as you go kinda deal. Which really, is life in general, learning to fly as you’re building the plane. I’m not finger pointing or making our parents or teachers wrong, just merely pointing out the ‘what if’ it was different?
What if we were taught? What if, we start teaching now?
I am sure that I am not the only one who grew up not having a clue about any of this. I remember discovering my orgasm by accident and feeling such guilt that I had touched myself to do so. It took me years to remove that self created pattern from my body.
They say that only about 57% of Woman can orgasm through intercourse, and can only orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation. I personally believe there’s a whole underground to uncover here. One of the main themes being of shame and worth. Shame and worth to receive pleasure. To allow the expansive nature of surrender and receive from your partner. This merely being the trigger to unlock the depth of generational wounding from our history as Woman. No wonder period pain is classified ‘normal’ in this day and age.
Let me make it clear that period pain is NOT normal!
Even now my conversations with my girlfriends still hold an element of feeling like we don’t have the power to state what it is that we like and don’t like. There seems to be this age old pattern of the Man initiating the act, and leading the sex the way he likes it, we simply follow and often times feel unsatisfied afterwards. We don’t say anything because quite likely, we simply do not know what it is we like, or are fearful to ask for what we want, so we follow the grain and do what we’ve always done.
I am grateful that I’ve been exploring my personal pleasure for a while now, and have learnt what I like. I’ve learnt a lot about my body, and the intricacies of subtle energy and how they beautifully play together. I know my body, and I will always continue to learn. But who knows this stuff if 1) it’s not taught, or 2) you haven’t taken the initiative to explore yourself? Perhaps it’s the ever curious adventurous Sagittarian in me that is on the quest for more, more, more?!
So now fast forward, into the adults that we’re meant to be. Collectively there is this conversation that is happening about the Men not doing xyz, not being present, not communicating, not being available etc etc… But the way I see it is, how are we not working together? I feel like in each moment, we are only ever learning, and if we’re not open to learning and being vulnerable, well then your mind is filled with preconceived ideas about a thing which is based on your agenda or an outcome you want. Therefore missing the beauty that is really unfolding in that very moment.
Every conversation and relationship is but a step forward in our own personal evolution of self. To come away from an interaction with thoughts about what the other didn’t do, or wasn’t available to do, is only a mirror for our own self to explore. 99% of the time.
So where does it all start?
Personal development, self time and reflection and yes physical exploration. What do you like, what don’t you like AND can you communicate that to your partner. What arises in the act of this?
Fear, embarrassment, hurt, pain… What a wonderful pot of mud to jump in and explore. Maybe on the precipice of it, it may not look it beautiful, but Ooooohhhh the Ooooooh at the other end of it will be well worth your time. Believe me!
I’ll leave you with some links for wonderful people already out in the world doing this work;
So much love x