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January 25, 2017January 25, 2017Leave a Commentbeginning coffee thoughts dark night of the soul ego emotions enough healing life mental health mind now raw self esteem Thoughts during retrograde truth Uncategorized

2017 & finding my words again

2017 is here, 2016 fades, and I’m learning to find my words again.

For me, 2016 still lingers, like a bad smell that won’t quit. A reminder of the epic lessons thrown at me. The relentless pummeling, like being dumped in a massive surf break that appears as endless as an Australian Summer.

Last year was a massive year of endings, lessons, transformations, challenges & every other color in between that. I was forced to let go of anything and everything I knew to be true, AND, any form of external safety or security I had created.

I found myself living in Bali for the full duration, with a brief trip to Australia for a visa run. Other than that, it was life in a Silent Retreat for 8.5 months, followed by life in Ubud, Bali.

In hindsight now, I can see that I simply needed to make the decision to be here, rather than leave decisions to the wind and magically hope that Bali would simply provide everything I could need. But hindsights are always that aren’t they, seeing life clearly once you’ve been on the rollercoaster ride of life adventure.

It was scary being here. Scary in the not knowing, it still is. Of surrendering to the fact that we are not control. I struggle with this dance. Of choosing a direction and trusting that I will be supported in it. I think I am still holding the scars from the last time I trusted this process. Leaving Australia for Canada, and then leaving Canada for New Zealand. I’m smart ya know – I do understand that life is about experiences – adventure. Successes and Failures. But today I acknowledge *yet again* the pain of hurt in my heart from something that ended so abruptly.

So I struggle to choose something and trust. Hence the non choosing of my life here in Bali. To just wander and drift and hope that life would show up for me. And it has, I have constantly been provided for. Amazing friends & family who have provided accommodation, food & listening loving ears whenever I have needed.

But this way of living has invited a sense of hopelessness, a mistrust within myself that I didn’t hold the power to make anything happen, that I was at the complete mercy of life to carry me where I needed to go. Even today I still feel like this. Just having finished a conversation with a new friend in a coffee shop, I still feel powerless to life.

I know no one knows where they are going, but I for one feel like I’m leading the party on the mission to no where. Sometimes I feel like I have it right, and everyone else has it wrong. Because we aren’t going anywhere, we are only here. Right here, right now. In fact to think we are going anywhere else but here is laughable!

“Want to make god laugh? Tell him your plans.”

But my lesson of the year, is one of trust & co-creation. Of working with the law of attraction to make the desirable occur. I want a home. I have to choose a home. Sounds basic right? Yes. But I’ve lacked the fundamental self belief that I am worthy of anything, so therefore chose to not choose anything. And because I chose nothing, then nothing showed up, despite me wanting stuff. I was in-congruent with my core belief – “I’m not worthy.” So keep attracting more of not being worthy. Ouch!

I’m on the final straight of this doozy of a lesson. I am SO done with believing I am not enough, it serves NO ONE!

Yes – I have chosen that I want a home & am actively searching. It is taking it’s sweet time for sure, but I’m putting it down to the right one making it’s way to me. I am receiving messages that this lesson is near completion, that I have done the work, and that now it’s about letting go and allowing the final completion to occur with gratitude for all it’s wonder and juiciness.

I gave thanks to my dear Sista – Samaya last night, she has opened up her home to me & has made me feel nothing but welcome. I said to her, if this is the final hurrah of this lesson, I’ve been given such a wonderful opportunity by sharing such quality time with her.

Forgive my writing, but I’m still finding my writing pants – I think I have lost them from the constant bed hopping that I’ve been participating in. Writing feels like I am swimming in an alphabet stew and cannot connect the correct letters, let alone words, to put together. I used to find writing & blogging so easy – but currently it’s like trying to swim to the surface after being pummeled by those said waves in the beginning.

This is an Osho card reading I gave myself last night. Depicting the situation at hand.
1 – The Issue – Consciousness
2 – What I’m present to internally – Innocence
3 – What needs to happen externally – Letting Go
4 – What is currently happening – Transformation
5 – The Outcome – Completion

3 of these cards being Major Arcana Cards – representing BIG lessons at play.

Updated on November 23, 2016November 17, 2016Leave a Commentbody change digestion emotions enough health self love weight loss

My Proven Weight Loss Tip

In my years of being a Trainer, the proven weight loss tip I’ve ever learnt and applied was,

“Chew your food mindfully in peace and quiet,
until it turns to liquid before you swallow”.

In doing so, each organ in your body carries out its designated role in the eating & digestion process. The mouth for chewing & savoring the taste of your food, the stomach for breaking down chewed particles, the small intestine for absorption of nutrients & minerals, and the large intestine for releasing the waste.

In slowing our chewing, not only do we create time to enjoy our meal, appreciate what nutrition we’ve chosen to nourish our bodies with, the earth it has grown in. We also give our stomach the time it needs to tell our brain that it feels satiated, which means we’ve eaten enough. Therefore we don’t over eat more than is needed. We don’t receive this message way past having already eaten everything on our plates. We are often conditioned to eat everything that’s on our plate, despite our bodies telling us we’re full.

In listening to our bodies feelings of fullness, we also get to eliminate some digestive programs that occur from not chewing our food correctly. Leaky gut, constipation, acid re flux, gas, bloating, burping, abdominal pain, indigestion to name a few.

Because I changed how I chewed my food, my meal portions dropped, my tummy felt less bloated, and I dropped excess weight. I was no longer eating more than I needed, and was able to shed additional kilos my body was holding onto.

This simple change is easier than trying to change many dietary things at once.”

Heidi Firth is a Personal Trainer, Transpersonal Coach & Energy Healer.
Her passion is to inspire others to connect with their inner wisdom, their Inner Guru.

www.heidifirth.com
https://www.facebook.com/be.your.own.guru.worldwide/
https://www.instagram.com/be.your.own.guru/

Updated on August 19, 2017November 11, 2016Leave a Commentawakening beginning beliefs change courage dark night of the soul depression ego emotions fears finding your true self life mind purpose souls calling surrender transformation truth Uncategorized

6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

Perhaps you’ve read about the awakening process or are going through it yourself. The world is shifting and people are awakening to the truth of this life. It can be a scary initiation that is a preparation into your unique life purpose and why you are living this life. One that has more meaning than that of simply following the society norm of which we have been conditioned to through our up bringing.

To help a little, and normalize what you might be experiencing, I’ve compiled 6 examples to support your surrender and remind you you aren’t alone.

I know when I experienced these, I felt like I was the only person on Earth and didn’t understand what was happening. Please know you’re not alone as many have gone before you, and are right alongside you right now. At this time there is an abundance of people available to support you and understand your experience.

6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

1 – Something outside of your control happens;

Maybe you lost your job?
A large financial challenge occurs.
You move homes, or locations.
You’re going through a divorce or separation with a loved one.
Someone dear to you passes on.
A desired outcome was not fulfilled.

Situations that occur beyond what our Ego has calculated can invite an opportunity for fear to visit. This is not a bad thing. Merely a chance to test our resiliency and feel emotions we may not have allowed ourselves to feel by being in our mapped out existence. When we know what we know, well… When we don’t know what we don’t know…
2 – Feeling emotional for unknown reasons;

You experience a spectrum of emotions for unknown (or maybe known) reasons. But you really do not understand WHY you feel this magnified way about this unknown, or known thing, but you do. You feel like reclusing, hiding, you are unsure how to cope.

When life happens for us externally, it can activate emotions that are suppressed within our psyche. Something may have happened during our childhood years, or perhaps past lives, that we weren’t able to process, that now as an adult we have the capacity to.
3 – Feeling alone/misunderstood in usual social situations;

Going out tonight, you didn’t really feel like going. But you go because you feel a sense of obligation. It’s what you ‘should’ do. The small talk at the outing feels really really hard. You long to simply be at home, or be able to talk about what is really going on in your life, but you feel far to vulnerable to show how you really feel and fear being judged and feeling like ‘that person’. That person who is struggling with life and doesn’t have it all together. Because of course we should, right? (tongue in cheek)

As our consciousness is shifting and we are awakening to a whole new world of thoughts, feelings, emotions and ways of being in the world, we begin to shift and out grow or existing reality.
4 – Increased sensitivity to usual environments & information

Watching the News, or reading Newspapers is no longer enjoyable. You don’t like the fear mongering in these stores, they make you feel bad. You prefer to scroll Social Media for feel good stories, articles and information, watch YouTube Videos and choose to inform yourself on what ‘the people’ are sharing. There are great things happening in the world too! You are consciously choosing to feel good, not bad.

You might be beginning to notice how easy it is to feel bad based on environmental factors. Media, people, environments, food, bars, clubs, places you used to put your energy into. You’ll be making conscious choices for what makes you feel good vs bad.
5 – Falling away of current friendships

You’re feeling like your current circle of friends don’t understand you and what is happening. You struggle to talk to them and feel really uncomfortable when you try. When you do, they console you with things like:
– it’ll pass
– you’ll be right // you’ll get through this
– everyone goes through something
– did you know such and such had xyz happen – you’re lucky compared to them
It’s not their fault they don’t know how to acknowledge you, but you feel no better, maybe worse and more alone from not feeling heard.

Yup – this is a tricky, and personal one to navigate. Ensure you seek support from a practitioner who can acknowledge how you feel. How you feel IS important and valid and it’s absolutely irrelevant to compare your situation to another person going through the same or different circumstances. We are all unique and riding our own life waves.
6 – There is discomfort in the life you once felt comfort

Suddenly, being in large populated areas like shopping malls, supermarkets now aggravates you. The bright lights, artificial food & packaging, screaming children, intense energy, the sense of stress and urgency from over worked faces around you. Not to mention the stress of getting in and out of the car park!

Another uncomfortable one, but a great opportunity to acknowledge you and your needs. There are other options available that don’t have to include going to a busy supermarket or mall. Lucky now we have home gardens, whole foods stores, weekend markets, organic delivery services, co-ops. Start doing some research if you haven’t already to connect with local people, create grass roots connections with others around you who are connected to the Earth. Life isn’t a fast food store, so we shouldn’t live like it.

Lots of wonderful unfolding lessons will show themselves in time. This is a magical time where you will see more than you have before. It may not feel like it at the time, but remember to breathe, seek support and know you are not alone in this.

Join in the conversation at:
MAIL: Sign up at www.heidifirth.com
CONTACT: me@heidifirth.com
Be You Own Guru FACEBOOK
Be Your Own Guru Community

Updated on November 23, 2016August 26, 2016Leave a Commentbeliefs change coaching courage fears finding your true self freedom life purpose souls calling storytelling thoughts Uncategorized

What is our purpose in life?

What is our purpose in life? Today’s 99 Million Dollar Question right?!

I’ve been working with this questions quite intimately these past months here in Bali land. Knowing for a long time there is much more to living life than just hitting the daily grind in exchange for an income.

I know this – but such is life – continuing to learn lessons, plugging along & asking life purpose reflection questions.
Each question has created an opportunity, a stepping stone to the next. Each stepping stone has requested courage & fear acknowledgement. But here’s the thing, they ARE stepping stones. We are never given what we cannot handle, and so we get to choose in each moment whether we continue with what we know, or step into that which we don’t.

Bali was and continues to be a gamble.

I have no idea what I’m doing & showing up for on a day to day basis, but I do, because sitting here in my life, I cannot & will not go backwards.

If I ‘went back’, this might look like returning to Australia or maybe New Zealand, getting a J.O.B in exchange for my life hours and a small wage in exchange for such un-priceable value. I will not do it. (Well – it doesn’t feel like my here & now calling. Although I have learnt to be open and step into what is needed in each moment.)

The Silent Retreat was tough. It was an inner boot camp of looking at fears, demons, and a time out & deconstruction of everything I knew to be true. The living paradigm of J.O.B working. Compartmentalizing life. It has since spat me out, in which I am SO grateful for. Day by day, now some 10 days on or so, life continues to show up for me because I am choosing to show up for it. I am in the hands of something far greater that has me in it’s arms.

How am I sustaining myself?
Friends, more friends, small savings & trust.

Do I know what I’m doing tomorrow?
Hell No!

Am I happy & excited?
Hell YES!

Do I get to live my life on my terms?
HELL YES!

Am I safe? A roof over my head & food to eat?
Everyday!

This is life!
This is living!

My dear chicken friend reminded me last week. There is no separation between work & play. There is only life. We shouldn’t have to invest in one to have the other. They shouldn’t need to be mutually exclusive things.

Life is life. It was given to us as our birthright to enjoy, explore, learn & play. Not to live by rules & patterning passed down from generation to generation. But the sad thing is, unless you don’t start to question, you will never learn any different, as we only know what we know. If we knew what we didn’t know, there would still be more that we didn’t know. And so on & so on, x’s infinity! Where does the mind go with the limitlessness of that!?

I’m reading the book “Cashflow Quadrant by Robert T Kiyosaki” right now, and a passage he shares within it is;

“We all know people who make a lot of money, but hate their work. We also know people who do not make a lot of money and hate their work. And we all know people who just work for money. A classmate of mine realized he did not want to spend his life at sea. Rather than sail for the rest of his life, he went to law school after graduation, spending three more years becoming a lawyer and entering private practice in the Self Employed Quadrant.

He died in his early fifties. He had become a very successful, unhappy lawyer. Like me, he had two professions by the time he was 26. Although he hated being a lawyer, he continued being a lawyer because he had a family, kids, a mortgage, and bills to pay.
A year before he died, I met him at a class reunion in New York. He was a bitter man.

“All I do is sweep up behind rich guys like you. They pay me nothing. I hate what I do and who I work for.”
“Why don’t you do something else?” I asked.
“I can’t afford to stop working. My first child is entering college.”
he died of a heart attack before she graduated.
he made a lot of money via his professional training, but he was emotionally angry, spiritually dead, and soon his body followed.”

Whilst this story is extreme, doesn’t it hit hard? I mean, I’m sure we know people in our sphere’s like this right? Living the daily grind, surviving not thriving.

There is no blame or finger pointing here. This situation is what it is because we know no different, but is merely an opportunity to be open to reflect on HOW we could live differently? What would I really like to enjoy in my world? It can be a big question that brings forth a blank canvas. I know it did for me for a long time, I’ve only known that the old didn’t fit and I needed to move towards something new , un-created & unwritten.

Question with me, create, play & explore.

August 16, 2016August 16, 20162 Commentsbody change courage depression enough fears guru health life lululemon mind purpose storytelling thoughts truth

In Bali I reflect – “What am I doing with my life”?

In Bali I sit reflecting on, “what am I doing with my life?” I am reminded of how much I LOVED being a trainer and how empowered I felt. 10 years on, how it affects today – I competed in the ANB – Australasian Natural Bodybuilding Competition. I was at the pinnacle of my Fitness Career and loved working as a Personal Trainer in Sydney, Australia.

Today I recognize, along with my recent Canadian break-up, I have been affected, by seemingly having ‘failed’. Whilst intellectually I know I haven’t, I have an installed fear within, that has prevented me from stepping forth, again, owning something that I WANT. I WANT so much to feel this sense of joy & empowerment again, today I met my fear head on whilst speaking with my friend. I witnessed my fear in committing to something I want, for fear of not being good enough, worthy enough, not my path, for maybe failing again, etc etc.

You see, I had it all mapped out 10 years ago. I had a business partnership with another. We signed a 3 year lease on a commercial property to create a Holistic Health Centre. I was a successful trainer, and well on my way to graduating from my Diploma of Tranformational Coaching. This was what I wanted! I was 27 years old & I was doing what I loved! The sky was the limit!

In October 2006 I went into competition & placed 4^th in Women’s Short Figure. It was a MASSIVE achievement! My coach suggested I stick at it as my physic was perfect for competing. Through this time, the relationship I was in ended and we parted ways.

Over the next duration of months, I continued to pour everything into my work and kept my training up, despite the next comp being another year away. The turning point happened after my Coaching Module – VISION QUEST. Where we undertake a sacred ceremony of entering into the bush from Dawn to Dusk – setting intentions for what we wish to let go of and welcome into our lives. I came away from that weekend with my mind blown & my energetic senses high. I’d gone down the rabbit hole & lost my way back out.

I entered depression for the next 2.5 years & as a result, everything I knew fell apart. My PT Business died, the friends I knew, fell away. I had high expenses based on my previous life & the mediocre jobs I was doing barely cut what was needed each week. I became a recluse hermit. My training faded and I lost who I thought I was.

I underwent therapy through this time & it was baby steps in the dark. I didn’t know if I was moving forwards, backwards or even if I was moving at all? Mostly I felt I wasn’t. Eventually as I pulled through, my confidence was shattered, and I took whatever jobs I could to survive. Personal Training felt so far from me, it was a distant object.

This was 2009/10, and ever since has been a gradual step forward.

Wrapido to Nature Care College. Nature Care College to lululemon. lululemon to Canada. Canada to New Zealand. New Zealand to Bali Silent Retreat.

Each role, each location, bringing me closer and closer to ME. The real & authentic ME. Each place, rich & full with life lessons & experiences not possible in a classroom.

Now, sitting here in Bali, after being ‘born’ from my 8 month Bali Womb, I sit and wonder what is next? There is no backwards, there is no sideways, there is only forwards. I am done being a paid employee, I am done being dictated with plans & someone else’s ‘to do’s’, I am done with being 2^nd best!!!

NOW!

I must step forward, I must face my fear of failure, I must feel it and step forward regardless.

I MUST.

After all, what is a life worth living if we haven’t truly lived?

I don’t know how to do this? I don’t know how to start again? I only know I have to. I have to!

Anything less & I do my soul a severe injustice.

And so being my own guru is where this is at!

The only way forward is through.

It’s time to be my OWN GURU!

Updated on November 23, 2016August 11, 2016Leave a Commentbeginning change coaching courage ego finding your true self guru life now souls calling Uncategorized writing

Life took a drastic turn

So days ago, in fact the day after I wrote my previous blog, my life took a drastic turn.

I have been spending extended time in a Silent Retreat, on the magical island of Bali. It’s been a little over 8 months so far, hence my previous blog post. (You can read that blog here.)

Upon returning from Australia, I was met with changes in my exchange at the retreat, to which I decided to step up into. I imagined that there was a higher purpose for me being here, you know, to create something of my own contribution towards this retreat space and the hundreds of courageous souls who visit.

The next day, a whirlwind happened and I was let go! A mass of incorrect communications took place. Different perceptions of the same words, catapulted into miscommunication which resulted in this action. It was wild, it was crazy, there may have been some angry words said, all necessary in the transition of this lesson.

But the strange thing is, I am not upset about it. It feels right and I am in total acceptance that this was what had to happen. And so now I sit in a space much like the butterfly does, as she allows her wings to dry before taking flight into a new adventure.

Mostly I feel excited and optimistic, though occasionally I feel nervous.

I want so much to step into an exciting opportunity that nurtures my soul to the highest extent. I just want to get going, but equally flit with days of simply just needing rest and feeling exhausted. What a ride this is.

Today feels more optimistic. After a chat with a friend, I’m being reminded of processes akin to nature. These support me to accept what is and to not work against my own unfolding.

Se are human beings and we have an ego. The ego likes to know what is happening. I know mine does.

– Where am I going?
– What do I want to do?
– How will I have money?
– Do I put my energies into Be Your Own Guru?

All these questions and more are humming along in the background that I am acknowledging.

Still I wish to act from love. I wish to take action as & when it feels right. Acting from fear only gets in the way, and prevents what really needs to drop in to arrive and be heard.

I explored websites my friend shared, and worked on my primary values – to help manifest & gain clarity of my next step. These are the only steps available right now. This, and to honor how much my body needs rest. I nap each afternoon & am moving very gently.

One can only work with what is available & be in the dance of co-creation. Good things take time & everything has a natural rhythm.

– BYOG

Updated on November 23, 2016June 25, 2016Leave a Commentbeliefs change courage ego emotions enough finding your true self healing self esteem

living in Bali | facing myself

This living in Bali business really invites facing myself in a brutally honest way.
It has to be one of my most challenging rides to date. I think I consider leaving Bali almost daily.

It feels like the mask that once so craftily created, to hide an insecurity, is slowly peeled back or being dissolved. I am coming face to face with emotions real. Connected to old embedded thoughts that remind me of the young girl I once knew so well. The hopeless teenager who felt so down on herself she cried everyday after school. The young girl who was so self conscious she accepted that boys were attracted to her friends and not her. As her friends attended parties with said boys, it hurt her to not be invited, yet she never said a word.

These fundamental years shaped me. They set the tone, my blueprint for what I believe of myself.

Of course ADULT HEIDI understands better these days. But the reality is that she doesn’t always run the show. My self worth is in review at the present moment, and Adult Heidi has stepped to the side, holding space for this younger self to be seen. It ain’t comfortable. It’s not particularly enjoyable. But it’s real. It takes courage to meet yourself with your wounds exposed. But here I am. I am here because I want something different for myself. I don’t want to under value myself anymore.

I want to truly experience the Woman I want to be in the world. I don’t want to feel an achy heart for something I long for. I want to vibrate at such a frequency and know I already have love. I don’t want to feel a sense of unworthiness or shame at the thought of supporting others through their dark moments and personal journey. I don’t want to feel like my contribution in the world doesn’t matter or isn’t worth a worthy exchange that allows me to enjoy the fruits of life. I want to feel that I know I HAVE these. That I don’t feel a lack. A yearning. A wanting. I want to feel the sense of satisfaction that is available from having made a difference.

I know to well the heart ache of our planet and its people right now and I don’t know where to start? I really don’t. This image conjures – me yelling at others “pick up your trash”, like a teacher on duty during interval at school.

Peoples naivety hurts my heart! Why can they not see? Not understand the results of their actions? Their in-actions?! Where do I start? How do I matter AND live an enjoyable life meeting my needs? From here, where to?

The solution from my mind is not clear. I don’t think I can pull myself out of, something my mind created. The false lies. My false sense of self (worth). This is not who I am. It is a tee-taw established during childhood, one I believed. They are merely thoughts. The only way through is to face myself.

SELF DIAGNOSED PRESCRIPTION

What can one do with a thought? One can change it.
What invested interest do I have in believing I am not worthy? I have NONE!
This false belief does NOT serve ME!
It doesn’t make me happy!
It doesn’t allow me to thrive!
It makes me feel shit.
So, why do I hold onto it? Because it’s all I’ve known.
Am I ready to let it go? YES!!
And so, what is its replacement?

I AM LOVED…

Updated on September 26, 2017February 6, 20152 Commentsbody change depression digestion ego emotions energy health life love self care self esteem self love thoughts tools transformation truth

Pt 1 – How do I change my thoughts?

Are you aware of all the different thoughts babbling away in your head?

One telling you NOT to eat that block of chocolate.
Another telling you to get out, exercise more.
What about the one that makes you feel guilty whenever you choose something loving or nurturing for yourself.

What are all these thoughts there for?

Most of us go about with these background thoughts playing. We may, or may not choose to look at them and hear what they’re saying. Most of the time people don’t because, well, who really wants to listen to someone berating us for doing something that we want, or don’t want to do, ex – chocolate/exercise.

The internet is filled with motivational quotes – inspirational images of pretty girls with hot bodies & fashionable vibrant exercise wear – promoting ‘Just do it’. Our Egos are being stimulated to focus on reaching our goals.

Set your goals + chase them + achieve them = happiness!

But does it?

Once you have worked for that hot body like your Instagram feed pics, your green smoothie recipe is on par with your latest Vegan sista’s blog – have you really reached true happiness?

It is really easy to think we have, because we have joined the mass health movement and are following the trend of what is hip & cool.

I’ve been there & I know how good it can feel, and it does feel good. But how healthy is your mind? How healthy are your thoughts circling around that styled sexy mop of yours?

How many times did you take selfies before you felt confident enough to share it because it caught your best look?

We have made it into this era where it all looks great from here. We’re all aware of healthy eating.
Eating locally raised/Organic produce
Eating balanced Protein/Fat/Carb type meals – eating optimally for health & energy requirements
Moving our bodies regularly
Taking selfies or getting friends to take our photo while we pose our mastered Asana.
Taking pics of nature & how we enjoy spending our non working time.

I love it – it IS beautiful to behold, and being aware of this wave of health conscious individuals.

BUT – what I really want to know is, how are your THOUGHTS?

What is going on underneath your tanned athletic complexion, regular Yoga/HIIT classes, green power smoothies, and motivational insta quotes?

Are you keeping up with the trend because it is such? Or are these actions truly aligned with your inner self? There is no right or wrong answer, however your answer could dictate the inner workings of your mind.

Back in my 20’s I kept up with the best of them. Churning through my daily workouts, eating clean and every 3-4 hours. My routine was near flawless. I was fit, lean, energetic & felt like I was in control.

My Ego on the other hand, was not. I was driven to run from the truth of how I really felt about myself. My subconscious patterning and beliefs.
“you’re not good enough, you’re not pretty enough, you don’t have enough, you’re not lean enough, you’re not doing enough, you’re different to everyone else…”

These very beliefs created the gym junkie persona that I identified with. I thought that that ‘healthy gym goer WAS who I was!

It was only when I started to acknowledge these inner thoughts that my life started to slowly change. I didn’t know it at the time, but it wasn’t possible for me to maintain who I was showing up in the world as, and live by these old beliefs that were fueling that behavior. A new reality was being created. One that would see me feeling good inside AND out.

It may well be possible to live a life where you look good on the outside whilst juggling these self depreciating thoughts, but from memory – I didn’t enjoy it to much, and it is likely that there is polar opposite behaviour playing out because of these very same thoughts. It might show up in the form of;
– weekend party girl/binge drinker
– binge eater
– bulimic
– workaholic
– promiscuity
– substance addiction
– addiction to being busy
– fear of being on your own
+ a world of other examples.

You may think that one balances the other.

You may also want to change this, but haven’t known how or where to start.

You are tired of this balance.

Tired of the hangovers, the inner guilt trips, the digestive problems and/or disorders…. You have IBS, Constipation, Gluten Intolerant, Celiac, numerable food allergies.

So back to those thoughts of yours. What do you do?

Start by acknowledging them. Give them your awareness.

Each time you hear a self depreciating thought – acknowledge it by saying Hello, I Hear You. I Love You then let it go.

Hello. I Hear You. I Love You. Every time you hear anything negative said towards yourself from yourself. Hello. I Hear You. I Love You.

Practice this small significant action for the next few days.

Let me know how you go in the comments below or reach out here.

how do I change my thoughts — 2006 – Me just prior to my Body Building Competition

personal growth changing my relationship

Updated on August 28, 2017July 26, 2014abundance beliefs canada celebrate change courage ego fears life love money romantic storytelling

The power of YES, in manifesting your dreams

As this blog names suggests, I wanted to share a story about what saying YES to your goals + dreams really means, share the process and the fears that can potentially pop up when we step up to say YES to the life we want.

Here we go;

I had a great lesson recently. It is regarding abundance, manifestations & desires. I received the opportunity to fly to Canada for 1 week, with 1 weeks notice.

My initial reaction was = CRAZY!! But this is my life. Crazy and spontaneous is exactly the way I like it, so I’d asked for this!

Neil (a previous romance, who I wasn’t over, who pulled on my heart strings like crazy, who lived in Canada) said to me;
“if you can find a return flight to Canada for 2K, I’ll fly you over for my 30th birthday!”

“Deal.” was my response.

I called my travel agent Lucy, at Flight Centre straight away, to tell her my story. Straight away she was online checking flights. She found one with China Air for $2100.

“Do you want me to book it?

“Um, let me check with Neil first”. I wanted to confirm he was really THAT serious, as his request was only via Viber.

“Ok, let me see if I can hold it for you. Yep, I can only hold it until tomorrow 5pm. Will you confirm with me tomorrow, if you want to go ahead? How exciting!” Lucy replied.

Neil had gone to bed on his side of the world, so I had to wait patiently until the next morning to call him.

MORNING
Me to Neil. “Are you serious about me coming over, because I found a flight!”

“Yeah, what do you think, do you want too?”

“YEAH!”

So now that that’s clear, I need to arrange the details. Work, Flights etc…

WORK
I ring Jess (my Manager at work), to explain my story and request my leave, to leave in ONE WEEK. Keep in mind here, that at work we were very tightly staffed AND a colleague was already granted leave for 3 weeks during this time! What was my possibility going to be?
“So um, you know how I’m going to Canada for my working holiday next year, well Neil, this guy I love, well, he wants to fly me over for his birthday, like next week, and, well, can I take time off work in like a weeks time?”

“Wow! Absolutely, we can make that happen. We’ll just look at the rosters and see what we can do!”

Ok cool, so the work thing is now sorted. Now to call Lucy and confirm my ticket. I thought I’d ask Lucy about changing the dates a little, because in my haste to search dates, I hadn’t really looked at my work schedule, I was more concerned with finding a 2K flight. She checked out some alternatives, but discovered that overnight, all flights had gone UP an extra $1500!! Not mine, because it had been held & secured. Talk about bloody luck!

I confirm with Lucy that this was going ahead and Neil is paying. After hanging up, I follow her email prompts to pay using his Credit Card. Because I was using his Canadian Credit Card, the Australian payment page was giving me a declined message. His card wouldn’t work in Australia. I call Lucy back, she suggested he could pay via BPAY. She gives me the codes, and I contact Neil and ask him to give this way a go.
Declined.
On the phone with Lucy again, two further suggestions.
Over the phone & bank transfer.
As I am about to give Lucy Neils’ CC digits, I felt prompted to ask her;
“I’m ok to travel aren’t I? My passport is valid until November this year, I’m still good right?”

“Noooooo” she replies. “You can’t travel with less than 6 months validity on your passport!”

“Whatdyamean, I can’t fly with less than 6 months validity, what’s the purpose of an expiration date on a passport, if you can’t fly up until it expires?”

“I’m not 100% sure why, but I know you can’t travel. Maybe call the embassy and double check. You can order an emergency passport”.

This is the point where I begin to ask myself;
– should I really be going
– why don’t I just wait until I go properly next year
– I’ll have more time to arrange my passport
– probably wasn’t meant to happen anyway
– I’m not paying for an emergency passport
– what a crazy idea – it was fun to think about & explore…

This is where my fear, rears its doubt & fearful reasoning…

This is the main crux of my story. That point, or threshold where we’re likely SO familiar.
The ego mind that is telling us that our dreams were just that. A dream. A nice idea and a fictional reality to indulge in.

Where we tell ourselves – ‘I could never do that – that’s crazy!’

That point of reasoning where we back down from that very thing that we want, when it’s almost within reach, when moving forward means stepping up into potential discomfort and GROWTH and OWNING what we want.

That’s right OWNING your dreams.

THE TURNING POINT
I call Neil, feeling a little defeated, like something has just died inside me. I explain to him about my passport & how I couldn’t travel. Here’s what he said.

“Just get a new one.”

Simple.

Unattached to my story, my emotion, my thoughts. ‘Just get a new one!’

My story spills out of my mouth;
“blah blah blah money, time, passport, how, money blah blah blah” (you get my jist, you heard it all above.)

“Don’t worry about it baby. I’ll pay for it. Call the travel agent, book the ticket, apply for a new passport, get your bum here, it’ll be fine.”

I hop off the phone, feeling like I’ve been pushed to my edges. My story has been blasted to smithereens and I’ve now got no excuse in the book, to stop me from going to Canada in 6 days time. 6 days! A passport in 6 days!

PASSPORT
I call the embassy. They spell out the steps required to order an emergency passport in simple black & white. Simple. It’s actually really simple. Today is Wednesday. I calculate that I can head into the city Thursday afternoon to order my passport, pick it up Tuesday afternoon, then fly to Canada Wednesday. I’m not leaving the courier to chance. No way – I’m picking this puppy up myself!

PAYING FOR THE FLIGHT
It’s now 12:30pm, and I start work at 1pm. I have 30 mintues to drive to work & 4.5hrs to pay for my ticket. Should be easy.

I’m on the phone to Lucy again. This time we’re trying Neil’s Credit Card payment over the phone.
Declined.
What!!!
My ego speaks up again;
– maybe you’re not meant to be going
– if we pull out now, we’ll be safe, you won’t have to stress about an emergency passport. Shhhhhhh I tell it.

Lucy asks me if I can pay. Sadly that isn’t an option at the moment. I ask her about the bank transfer option she’d mentioned previously. Her Manager had removed pulled this off the table, saying the funds wouldn’t clear fast enough from Canada in time to pay for the ticket.

My options were out!

I’ve now left for work, driving, trying to figure out what I can do. Who can I borrow $2000 from? Who asks people for this kind of money?? How bad do I want to go to Canada for my dears birthday? I wanna go. Bad!

A name appears in my minds eye. Jules.

DEFINITION
Jules: noun Your nearest and dearest bestie. Your nearest and dearest bestie who has just had a baby. Your nearest and dearest bestie who has just had a baby and has a 3 year old toddler. Your nearest and dearest bestie who has just had a baby, has a 3 year told toddler, and has just purchased her first family home with her partner.

Could I really be so cheeky to ask her to borrow this money? But it’s just until funds clear from Canada. But I still have to ask the question. It’s NEVER comfortable asking anybody for money. Coffee money. Lunch money. Let alone a $2000 ticket to Canada!

I have Eddie Murphys impression of Bill Cosby playing in my head. “Neeeed the money, to buy the ticKET! Get the money, to get the ticKET!” I call Jules, and I tell her my story, I ask if she can lend me the money to buy the ticKET. (without the Bill Cosby impersonation). I can tell that she wants to help me, but know it’s a loaded question. This is confirmed because she needs to speak to her partner, to get the all clear.

10 MINUTES PASS

I’ve arrived at my destination, and I’m walking from my car into work. Jules has called back. She’s spoken with her partner, and they’ve agreed they will help me, but need to know that the money is going to make it’s way straight back to them.
I feel my Solar Plexus.
I get this.
It’s a lot of money to request, give, and trust for anyone. Let alone a new family with 2 kids and a brand new mortgage.

I’m at work now.
I ask Jules if she would kindly call Lucy for me. Not having explained to Lucy what has actually happened in the past 30 minutes.

5 minutes later a text comes through from Jules.

YOU’RE GOING TO CANADA!!

Holy Shit!

The rest of the story falls into place from here. I got my passport easy. I got my shifts covered easy. Everybody at work said YES to covering me. Another dear friend even volunteered to swap her shifts at work so she could drive me to the airport! Easy. Everything was EASY! I said YES.

The universe said YES.

In summary, the point of my story sharing, is to illustrate that crucial crux point. That sticky threshold between choosing to stay where we are, or choosing to step up into something new.

Do you really want your dreams and desires in life, stepping up to the call and taking action?

Do you just keep doing what you’ve always done, continuing to achieve the same outcome?

I’ve shared this story with a few friends, and their response has been one of awe & inspiration! I hope by sharing it here with you, it will inspire you to notice your sticky points, step up to OWN your dreams and desires also.

They are your god-given (or spirit, universe, soul….) birthright. They are available to you right NOW!

Sending you much LOVE

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“Chew your food mindfully in peace and quiet, until it turns to liquid before you swallow”.

6 Signs You’re Experiencing the Awakening Process

1 – Something outside of your control happens;

2 – Feeling emotional for unknown reasons;

3 – Feeling alone/misunderstood in usual social situations;

4 – Increased sensitivity to usual environments & information

5 – Falling away of current friendships

6 – There is discomfort in the life you once felt comfort

SELF DIAGNOSED PRESCRIPTION

Set your goals + chase them + achieve them = happiness!

How many times did you take selfies before you felt confident enough to share it because it caught your best look?

“Chew your food mindfully in peace and quiet,
until it turns to liquid before you swallow”.