Have you noticed how grief can be a trickster at times?
Disguised in one form, dressed as another.
Like an unannounced house guest, he knocks at the door, packed bags in hand, you answer in your underwear, the house a mess, you’re unprepared. “Hello friend, I am Grief.”
He has come to visit. To turn him away would be unheard of, perhaps a crime. He never quite says what he needs, why he’s here, or how long he’ll stay for. But you welcome him in, albeit reluctantly. You both take a seat on the couch and he starts the conversation.
“How are you friend?”
You give your surface level reply. “I’m good, I’m busy with work, friends, social situations, family. I’m grateful for everything & everything is fine.”
He responds, “Is that right? Tell me about how you’ve been feeling during your evenings alone?”
Something clicks inside. You know exactly the feeling he is referring to. You’ve been binging on chocolate & Netflix each night, in an avoidance of feeling this now named feeling.
“Tell me about THAT feeling he says, compassionately, lovingly.”
You sit for a moment. For maybe the first time, tuning into that discomfort that resides in your body. Uggghhh – there it is. That heavy weight sitting, waiting… Your breathing drops… Your heart rate present – now seemingly louder… You feel the energy expand outwards from this rock like weight. Tears are forming behind your eyes, it’s coming…
You can’t hold back, nor would you want to. You’ve wanted to acknowledge this, to feel this pain, you’ve just secretly been afraid. The heavens pour down and you’re running with it. Tears are falling down your face just like melting ice in your hot hand on a Summers day… your stomach contracts & heaves, as does your whole body in unison. Your mind is blank in this moment, you have found relief. In complete surrender to your bodies natural seasonal change – this emotional state.
Grief sits there quietly, very still. Just looking upon you gently, lovingly. A companion who has your back. You continue to cry, beginning to wonder if there will be an end to this heaviness?
Time has passed some. You’ve witnessed new insights drop into your mind, ah ha’s of what has been held so contained.
Memories from your past floating up from your subconscious. Making their transition from one realm, to the next. You can see more clearly, what was hiding.
What you were so frightened of. It is not so frightening anymore. Only here. Present. Accepted. Free. No stories. It is free. You are free. You are releasing the old. The old that has driven you to hide from yourself. Your truth.
Placing his hands on your heavy heart. You feel the ache. The physical ache that now resides where before, pain sat.
You feel different. Tired. Numb. Sad. Heavy.
The couch feels good. Comfortable.
The convulsions have subsided, the tears are now dry.
Your head feels expanded, kinda headachy, like it has just been squashed, but blast open.
Your mind blank.
Sitting… Starring… Quiet… Peace…
Breathing now slow & consistent. You look at grief, he holds your gaze in return.
“How are you friend?” he asks.
You return his gaze and answer, “How are YOU friend?”
Grief has been heard. He has been seen. He sighs in his recognition.
Together you become one.