My mind is a busy monkey at present.
Integrating my Bali reality with this current New Zealand reality.
I’ve been trying to pin point the words, to somehow capture and solidify my experience. In doing so, hoping to find some sort of solidarity that I can grab a hold of with both hands.
But it’s not coming. It’s not happening.
And then I remember what I signed up for.
I didn’t sign up for normal. I didn’t sign up for comfortable.
Somewhere way back when, my soul made a contract to be wild and free, so trying to fit this into its current surrounds is something akin to bringing the wild back into the city. It won’t fit anymore, in fact it’s likely to go more wild.
I see that Brene Brown has just released a new book, so I’m reading the sample pages available on Amazon.com. In the first pages I come across this snippet as she is discussing Maya Angelou in a 1973 interview. Maya says;
“You are only free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”
To which I resonate so greatly, I cry.
In conclusion, I’m not going to find the right words, it’s never going to make sense, I am the wild space between the words that are undiscovered and free. It’s up to me to surrender to that, and come from that place. Wild makes no sense. Wild is WILD. This is why we feel at peace and at home within nature, our brain has to give up trying to understand it, and just get out of the way to come to peace.
So dear Heidi, give up the understanding and just own the wild and free that you.