today’s lesson… accepting love

Since going live on this site and Facebook, it has drawn out a part of me.   A scared timid part that was hiding. She’s so cleaver at hiding, I didn’t even know she was there.  Maybe she was playing hide and seek and forget to tell me the rules?

I’d had a bit of a theme running in my background about being alone, actually if I’m really honest – about not feeling worthy enough to be loved.  I had an amazing acupuncture session with Milton Lee last Thursday – and at the tail end of that session the water works exploded.  He’d said that my heart & kidneys were not communicating with each other, that my heart was nervous.  By the end of my time on his table, I was in tears having acknowledged this old untruth that I, many years ago had chosen to believe.

It’s funny you know – because it just goes to show the power of the human mind.  I, adult self, Heidi, know this NOT to be true.  I am surrounded by beautiful like minded people daily.  I am very blessed.   But this background belief, running so far from my consciousness, shapes the *reality* of the world I live in.

Ok – so it’s been on my mind – how much I would really love to meet someone, fall in love – and continue a bliss filled life together with them.  I mean, I’m 35 years old now – this can’t be an unreasonable request can it?  Friends around me are living it – why can’t I?  “Because you’re not worthy of it” says the unconscious little voice somewhere in my brain.  BOOM… Look what I am creating!

So where to from here, from this acknowledgement.  Make a choice to change.  But how?  Noticing how I choose to show up in each moment of my day.  Who am I being?  What decisions am I making?  Accepting people’s love and support.

It started last night with a visit to a friend.  As I arrived she’d made me a hot water bottle and greeted me with a warm hug, and I openly accepted it.  This morning, a Personal Training session with a Trainer to have her carry my towel & bottle from equipment to equipment.  Mildly uncomfortable, but hints of warmth and support.  Forgetting my wallet this morning and needing to ask a friend for a coffee, again a little uncomfortable – but if roles were reversed – what would I do for that friend?!

So the answer?  I don’t need to know it all right now, just notice in each moment, how can I choose to accept something different for myself?

To accept love.

Welcome!!

You’ve stumbled upon my very first blog for my very first website.

I have decided that the time is now to get writing and spreading whatever it is that I’m meant to be spreading.  This website has been created without effort and so I have figured that the whole venture should remain the same – without effort.

You will notice that my website is not complete.  It is not ‘perfect’.  In fact, there are bits n pieces everywhere, but you know, that’s ok.  It felt overwhelming to me to get it right before I started writing, before I went live, so the other night I said to my friend, I just want it live.  I want to start.  I have the sneaky suspicion that he thinks I’m nuts.

At this stage in the game, I can’t define what it is that I do.  I know my outcome, but to call it something, seems to shrink the very possibility of the outcome, but at the end of the day, it’s not about what I can do, it’s about what you can do.

Somewhere on this website I have started to write my story, again this is incomplete, but it’s a start.

My intention is that through telling my story, it will inspire you to create change for yourself in your life, whatever shape or form.  It might be to have a better relationship with yourself, or maybe one with your food, or to figure out why the same experience keeps showing up for you time and time again… There are lots of different paths that my journey has been delving me into.

So I’m going to let this have a life of its own and see where it takes me.

If you’re intrigued, follow me and see what happens, it can be like one of those choose your path books that were available when we were kids.  Which way should she go, path A or path B?

So far I know this is about branding me, who I am, and what I’ve done in life so far, so there won’t be any boundaries between personal and professional.  As far as I’m concerned they’re one in the same.  How we do one thing, we do all things.  I’m not going to wear my masks for one job and take them off for another, that’s not living an authentic life to me.

So go ahead, click the follow button, and if you have any thoughts/comments I’d love to hear them.  Let’s make this interactive and fun and see where it takes us.

Much love & health,

Heidi