learning about the beauty of you, through others…

Part of what I have always visioned, is using my collection of journals to write my posts or potentially a book in the future.

I have this vision of writing snippets of my past, typing word by word accounts of a ‘day in the life’ of.  Perhaps with the the intention of having that story resonate with individuals – who knows?  It’s not up to me right.

So on this day 16 May 2009 here is what I wrote in my journal;

“I’ve had a lovely day so far.  Wake, sleep, wake, eat, read, sleep.  Bit of stretching, washing, cry.  That was an interesting one.  It’s actually a piece of the puzzle.  All this opening Tom stuff.  I read the Delta Wave Tip Off and she speaks of dealing with our father issues at present.  She goes in instruction of how to have a soul conversation with your father and automatically I think “I can’t do that!”  Not even about not knowing him, but more about how I couldn’t open my heart to him.  And from what I’ve learnt, this is where my relationship with Males began.  I feel hurt/sad, like he didn’t want me.  This part of me feels so sad.  So hurt she missed out on her Dad’s love.  (maybe why I put on my Smurf t-shirt?).  These past few days also, I’ve been holding Tom in the distance.  I think of him though I am still feeling pretty vulnerable.  I couldn’t’ see him when I walked past just now.  I would love to visit him, though all these thoughts arise like, will he want to see me?  What if he doesn’t?  I even told myself on Wednesday when he finished work, that he’d decided he didn’t want to follow on with our relationship anymore.  I think I need to be mindful of while I’m in this space to not put him in my fathers role.  I still am not clear what exactly Tom’s role is right now?  Whether what we have is Physical, Emotional or Spiritual.  The later two definitely.  But perhaps a different Physical.  I think I am simply scared.  Some parts are tough.  Like only seeing each other after work.  As he does his thing outside of that.  I feel frustrated as after work is my gym time.  I’m compromising.  YUM VANILLA BEAN”

My lessons and reflections from this writing piece…

– Be mindful of projecting stories onto loved one’s in life.  ie – My father didn’t love me, therefore you don’t love me.  Take ownership for your own story.
– Journal it out.  Write about how you’re feeling.  If that feels to hard, imagine writing about a character.  Give your character a persona and imagine how he/she might feel or react.  Really own all facets of emotions.

When I was first connecting to my anger – it felt so foreign and so I couldn’t connect with it.  I imagined my anger looked like a little girl (the cute girl from Monsters Inc) and nicknamed her Dotti.  Dotti had cyclone anger!  It was easier for me to say that Dotti was angry before I learnt to say that I felt angry.

All relationships are AMAZING teachers, if you haven’t already heard the concept of them being a mirror for yourself – you’re going to hear it now.

What you see in another person, is in yourself.

Whether what you see is beautiful, challenging or other, it is a reflection of YOU.  Notice your thoughts towards another person, then ask yourself, where is that in me?  Watch what you want to own and not own, it’s all in you, an opportunity to discover the complexity of you.  We can change how we view our external environment simply by acknowledging our inner.  If you encounter an angry individual, ask yourself where am I angry?  People are simply mirrors to what we need to acknowledge.

flipping perspective, changing narrow into expansive

I had a wonderful chat with a friend this morning.  We sat on the rocks down at Freshwater Beach, and soaked in the magic of where we were.  I said to him, “I just can’t get enough of this, I wish I could dissolve into it”.

We were talking about all things human and experience orientated and the funny old ways in which we will look at life and our experiences.photo

He took the example of the fresh ocean lap pool, and how we might look at it and say “Ooh I bet it’s cold in there”, forgetting to look at all the other elements that exist.  ie there were two other swimmers enjoying their laps, there were free lanes available, the sky was nothing but blue, it was fresh & invigorating, the morning was truly stunning!  One example – but I’m sure we can apply this to any area of our lives.

This reminded me of thoughts I’ve been having about my recently published “Who is Heidi Firth?” story.  Recently I called my Mum to tell her that the story was up on my website – for all to read.  I’d projected how this might potentially land for her, and anybody else that may read it from the small town that I grew up in.  One of the thoughts I’d acknowledged before my call was that the story sounded all bad.  It focused on those “Monumental Moments” that had shaped me to make the person I’d become in the world.  But these past few days, I’ve been thinking about how I failed to share the really great stuff.  The stuff we often forget about and forget to have gratitude for.

So this mornings catch up chat with Dan, has inspired me to wipe the slate clean.  I am going to remove the original “Who is Heidi Firth?” story, and write the new revised one.  I’m going to flip the perspective, because that story is OLD news now, and not who I am today.

Time to Inspire & Be Inspired. xo


Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

You have brains in your head.

dr-seuss-book-cover1You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself
You’re on your own.  And you know what you know.any directions you choose.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets.  Look ’em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.
It’s opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen’and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,
don’t worry.  Don’t stew.
Just go right along.  You’ll start happening too.
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Whenever you fly, you’ll be best of the best
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t
I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun
Un-sluping yourself
is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three quarters? Or, maybe not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.  The Waiting Place…
… for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go!  There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored.  There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame!  You’ll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t.
Because, sometime, they won’t.
i’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’causer you’ll play against you.
All alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re along, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things tat scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
through the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike.
And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step,
Step with care and great tact
ad remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 per cent guaranteed.)
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So… get on your way!

today’s lesson… accepting love

Since going live on this site and Facebook, it has drawn out a part of me.   A scared timid part that was hiding. She’s so cleaver at hiding, I didn’t even know she was there.  Maybe she was playing hide and seek and forget to tell me the rules?

I’d had a bit of a theme running in my background about being alone, actually if I’m really honest – about not feeling worthy enough to be loved.  I had an amazing acupuncture session with Milton Lee last Thursday – and at the tail end of that session the water works exploded.  He’d said that my heart & kidneys were not communicating with each other, that my heart was nervous.  By the end of my time on his table, I was in tears having acknowledged this old untruth that I, many years ago had chosen to believe.

It’s funny you know – because it just goes to show the power of the human mind.  I, adult self, Heidi, know this NOT to be true.  I am surrounded by beautiful like minded people daily.  I am very blessed.   But this background belief, running so far from my consciousness, shapes the *reality* of the world I live in.

Ok – so it’s been on my mind – how much I would really love to meet someone, fall in love – and continue a bliss filled life together with them.  I mean, I’m 35 years old now – this can’t be an unreasonable request can it?  Friends around me are living it – why can’t I?  “Because you’re not worthy of it” says the unconscious little voice somewhere in my brain.  BOOM… Look what I am creating!

So where to from here, from this acknowledgement.  Make a choice to change.  But how?  Noticing how I choose to show up in each moment of my day.  Who am I being?  What decisions am I making?  Accepting people’s love and support.

It started last night with a visit to a friend.  As I arrived she’d made me a hot water bottle and greeted me with a warm hug, and I openly accepted it.  This morning, a Personal Training session with a Trainer to have her carry my towel & bottle from equipment to equipment.  Mildly uncomfortable, but hints of warmth and support.  Forgetting my wallet this morning and needing to ask a friend for a coffee, again a little uncomfortable – but if roles were reversed – what would I do for that friend?!

So the answer?  I don’t need to know it all right now, just notice in each moment, how can I choose to accept something different for myself?

To accept love.


You’ve stumbled upon my very first blog for my very first website.

I have decided that the time is now to get writing and spreading whatever it is that I’m meant to be spreading.  This website has been created without effort and so I have figured that the whole venture should remain the same – without effort.

You will notice that my website is not complete.  It is not ‘perfect’.  In fact, there are bits n pieces everywhere, but you know, that’s ok.  It felt overwhelming to me to get it right before I started writing, before I went live, so the other night I said to my friend, I just want it live.  I want to start.  I have the sneaky suspicion that he thinks I’m nuts.

At this stage in the game, I can’t define what it is that I do.  I know my outcome, but to call it something, seems to shrink the very possibility of the outcome, but at the end of the day, it’s not about what I can do, it’s about what you can do.

Somewhere on this website I have started to write my story, again this is incomplete, but it’s a start.

My intention is that through telling my story, it will inspire you to create change for yourself in your life, whatever shape or form.  It might be to have a better relationship with yourself, or maybe one with your food, or to figure out why the same experience keeps showing up for you time and time again… There are lots of different paths that my journey has been delving me into.

So I’m going to let this have a life of its own and see where it takes me.

If you’re intrigued, follow me and see what happens, it can be like one of those choose your path books that were available when we were kids.  Which way should she go, path A or path B?

So far I know this is about branding me, who I am, and what I’ve done in life so far, so there won’t be any boundaries between personal and professional.  As far as I’m concerned they’re one in the same.  How we do one thing, we do all things.  I’m not going to wear my masks for one job and take them off for another, that’s not living an authentic life to me.

So go ahead, click the follow button, and if you have any thoughts/comments I’d love to hear them.  Let’s make this interactive and fun and see where it takes us.

Much love & health,