Do you speak the language TRUTH?

Since getting regular with my writing and posting, I am learning that everyone has something to say, perhaps they just haven’t learnt how to say it yet?

I remember when I first met my coach, she was able to explain, in perfect detail, exactly how I was feeling, and describe a particular pattern I may have been caught in.

I remember thinking – I wish I could take this lady EVERYWHERE, so that she could articulate my words to my friends.  Also, I wondered if there was a course I could take to learn the language she spoke.

Today, I am reflecting on the time that has past since that session, and acknowledging that I NOW speak that language that she did in that session.

The language of TRUTH.

We are beginning to hear more and more of this TRUTH.  But what does it mean to you?

I reminds me of Mum saying to us kids, “now tell the truth”, as if we’d just done something naughty and now we have to fess up.

Fess Up.  Tell your Truth.  Speak of that which you have been up to.  That which is on your mind.

Who is scared of others knowing what is on their mind?

For a LONG time, I felt like I was a fraud.  Scared that people would find out that I was BULLSHIT.

Find out who the real me was, and then reject me for all the things I didn’t like about myself.

When I started my Personal Development Journey, my mask that I wore in the world, that showed everyone that I was ok, and that I had my shit together, it slowly began to fall away.

I had to develop a relationship with that part of me deep down.  That part that felt like I was a fraud, that part of me that was scared.  The part that was my TRUTH.  The TRUTH about how I felt about myself!  Who wants to admit that this is how they feel about themselves?  No one.  Which is why we hide behind our masks.

At Vision Quest, I set my intention to be a shining star in the world.  I threw that piece of paper into the fire, and walked away from it, not at all understanding the extent of the intention I had just created.

I had asked for all of my masks to be melted away, revealing my true self, my shining light.

On the weeks/months/years that followed, I had completely dismantled my false sense of self.

I was stripped back to the very core of who I was.

My shining light self, that was not yet shining.

My TRUE self, raw and vulnerable in the world.  Striped to expose that truth of the pain that had resided there.

During this time, I didn’t know this.  I didn’t know these words that I am explaining to you now.

I only knew Lost.  Fear.  Pain.  Sadness.

To society, I was depressed.

To my Nature Care peers, I was undergoing a Spiritual Emergence, maybe even an Emergency.

Most will take Anti-Depressants because it is not an easy path.  (no judgement – huge topic here…)

Day in, day out, showing up in the world experiencing this level of pain.

Living in a world that doesn’t accept this level of pain.

Take a pill, you will feel better.

Time will heal.

This too shall pass.

I’ve heard them all.

But to sit in the depth and TRUTH of this space, is a journey that even the bravest soul may cower.

TRUTH

What is your TRUTH?

Is it that you are scared?

Is it that you are in pain?

Is it that you are deeply unhappy?

We all know this language of TRUTH.

But do YOU speak it?

Or do you turn the other way?

speak-no-evil-8232818

Tuning into your AMAZING bodies innate WISDOM

Most mornings here in Canadia Land, I wake up and ask myself, how do I feel today?blog image

What do I want to do, what do I want to feel, what can I do today that will contribute towards creating a life that fulfills me.

(When you’re not working, and you have a heck of a lot of time up your sleeve, you have a lot of time to think about this stuff!)

I’ve had to really draw upon my tools that I’ve learnt over the years, because sometimes I wake up and don’t automatically feel good.

I’ve have felt sad, and lost at times.

There is so much theory about that states we choose our state of being. So when we feel like crap, how does it feel to be told, you are choosing that? It makes one feel even more crap, likely even angry.

Angry is good.

Anger has an energy that has the power to shift the crap.

We feel angry because our ego wants to defend us feeling crap – it has invested in the crap. If crap doesn’t exist, ego doesn’t exist.

In my experience, and I HAVE experienced the above, it took my conscious observation to see what my ego was doing.

Before the awareness of observation and choice are apparent, perhaps it might be, that you need feel crap?

Maybe there is a message for you within the crap?

During my coaching studies we were taught that giving space to an emotion, any emotion, is such a wondrous and powerful tool…

I used to live in a world where I constantly denied anything other than happy. This pattern took me was down the rabbit hole of depression. I didn’t honor my whole self, and so as my development guided me, I reached a place where I needed to honor that that made me whole.

I needed to honor the sadness, the crapness, it needed releasing into the world, releasing from my physical body, so that I could find a new balance within me. One that acknowledged happiness AND sadness.

So learning this lesson, AND to read that our emotions are a state of mind, it never sat with me at this time.

Until, I learnt, how to balance my emotional state. How to acknowledge how I truly felt, what was underneath it, to then consciously make a shift in my being.

My observations today witness a world, where we are quick to tell people that they can CHOOSE to feel happy, and this is TRUE.

And, I also feel like we are at a turning point where perhaps most people, need to be acknowledged for not feeling happy. Maybe feeling sad, angry, frustrated. As it is through these emotions we can move into an authentic state of happiness.

I know all about living a life not dancing with the sadness, not giving space to the equal and opposite emotion of happy…

I learnt the tough way, I took the gateway through depression to the other side. To move into a whole and fuller way of being.

EXERCISE
At any stage in your day, take 1 minute to close your eyes and check-in with yourself. Ask, “how do I feel today?”

Wait for your body to answer, it usually appears as a one word answer, or a sensation/feeling, maybe even a symbol. (everyone is different)

Then ask it…

“What do you need?”

Again, wait for the answer…

What you then choose to do with your innate answer is up to you.

To live in alignment with your bodies innate wisdom is health, and I for one am a MASSIVE fan of my BODY and my HEALTH.

You get to choose daily what you wish for your highest well- being.

xo

 

Truth = Health = Love

It’s time to get REAL, get to your TRUTH.

I mean, if you’re striving for greater HEALTH then you have to get HONEST.

Really honest with yourself.

What say you are dealing with Gluten Intolerance?

I mean, that’s a Solar Plexus Chakra injury.

Your Solar Plexus Chakra is about your relationship with yourself, your ego, your sense of self in the world.

The organs it is related to:
– Stomach
– Upper intestine
– Adrenal glands
– Middle spine
– Liver
– Gallbladder
– Spleen

 

Now Spleen.  There’s one organ I have come to know well in my travels.

In Chinese Medicine, your Spleen holds the emotion of worry.  Now back in the day I would worry about EVERYTHING .

Think about it, do you worry over money, health, relationships, confrontation with peers, family, life, anything and/or everything?

Well all that mental chit chat you have going on in that noggin of yours, is going to affect your mate Mr Spleen (or Mrs).

Now did you know that the Spleen and the Stomach are good friends?

Well in someone who has Gluten Intolerance, they’re not even getting along, their relationship isn’t that great.

Its the Spleens job to support the Stomach to digest food, and if that ain’t happening, well then guess what?

Food doesn’t digest well.

Then you get all those (un)pleasant feelings associated with poor digestion.

– Gas
– Bloating
– Constipation
– Burping
– IBS
– Fungal & Parasite Infections…

You get the idea.

Soooo imagine if you were to acknowledge those worries, those fears.  Look at what their purpose is in your lill ole think tank…

I wonder what would happen?

Maybe your Spleen & Stomach might become friends again.  Maybe you might gain a greater sense of your self in the world.

MAYBE you might even begin to LOVE yourself.

Who can put their hand up right now, and honestly say they LOVE themselves?

I can.

You know why?

Because my Spleen & my Stomach are now BEST friends!

 

(This blog is really simplified information based on my personal healing experience with my digestive system.  It is by no means advice on what yours is doing.  It is merely written to bring awareness to the readers mind/body/spirit connection.  If you are experiencing any digestive issues, tune into your body and ask it want it needs.  Trust that an answer will show up for you, trust your bodies innate wisdom.  xo)

I believe in the good things coming…

I believe in the good things coming, coming, coming, coming…

I do, this is why I have to jump onboard and start…

I have a message, and I have to start somewhere.

So I’m starting.

I want to teach you, show you, that there is another way.

That you don’t have to be in the dark.

See I know, I’ve been there.  I’ve been the dark.

It’s not pretty.

It is NOT easy.

If it was, we would all be on the other side.

And there is another side.

There is a side filled with light and love – OH so much LOVE.

There is possibility, self assurance, opportunity, abundance and OH SO MUCH LOVE!!

More LOVE than you can imagine!!

Can you imagine LOVING yourself just SO much that you could not fail?

Do you really?

COME AND JOIN ME – I’M WAITING FOR YOU!

I bet you’ll feel challenged to action this message from your SOUL…

What is purpose to you?

What it is, is different from one person to the next, as we are all individual souls here with a particular purpose.

I have been thinking about mine a lot with so much time on my hands at present.  I recognize that the more time I have to myself, the greater I get to know myself.  I’m not distracted by the external demands of being social, working at my job, a relationship (while Neil’s away), things that I would usually be busy-ing my time with.

I am learning how greatly sensitive I am, attuning to this tells me there is grand purpose in spending time with me.

After getting through the cold that I had last week, I found a routine to regularly meditate & clear energy each day.  I connect with my heart & soul and ask it if it has a message to share with me.  Some days I don’t get anything, but more often than not I get a message.  Usually one simple word.  Today it was Be.  The other day it was Go.  I have listened, and apparently our life is as simple as listening to our souls and taking action.  Be.  Be in each moment.  So today, as I set about my day, my intention became to BE.

Currently not working, I can’t help but think about what will I do?  What will be my income earner?  I am SO conditioned to working, that I recognize I am in the discomfort  of changing that belief or pattern.  I know that I don’t want a job that is simply that, an income earner, and so in this beautiful period of not needing to work, I still can’t help but be curious – it’s the minds way – it wants to know the answers.

I am grateful and blessed to be able to finally watch and absorb the content from YouTube videos and Paul Cheks blogs that I just know I have a great purpose to follow.  I resonate with the content I’m hearing & watching so greatly!  My mind wants it NOW, it wants to feel the value of contribution of making a difference to the world, of being in action.  But you know what, the balance of being in action, is inaction, not lazy, but rest.  Yin & Yang.  It is the nature of life.  If I have great purpose, then its opposite is true too.  Great rest.  You know that old saying, the calm before the storm.

So what is purpose again?  Is it action?  Is it inaction?  Or is it simply acting on your souls daily message to just BE.

All are true and correct. <3

what am I doing with my life?

It’s now been just over 3 weeks since I left Australia.  I have well & truly landed in Canadia town…

My head has been an array of thoughts, creating confusion, I have been trying to figure it all out, but you know what I’ve learnt.  I can’t.  I can’t figure shit out.  I just have to let it be, it is what it is.

And this is one of the reasons, I think I caught myself a cold.  For 3 days now, I’ve been full up of a running nose, headaches, tickly throat, and today, add coughing into the mix.

This has been such a huge transition, I think I needed to get out of my own way and let it be.

What I have been processing is that all that I knew is now in the past.  Any and all routines are gone, any friends I saw regularly, gone.  The routine of work now complete.  The co-workers, familiar faces, no more.  The networks, the communities, hobbies I connected with, no more. Everything is in the past.  The canvas is blank, awaiting my next brush stroke.  What do I want that to be?  Do I want it to look the same as before?  Or am I ready for something different?  To embrace the new that I’ve been growing into?

I’m just now back from a walk, isn’t walking great – I think it allows an opportunity for new insights to drop in, for things to get clear..  What occurred to me, I spent MONTHS preparing for my departure from OZ, and now that I’m here, all that energetic preparation needs to root itself right?!  As if I can just keep on keeping on once I landed here in Canada.  The momentum of my energy needed to change, no longer preparing to leave, changing to grounding and rooting a new foundation.  Bali was just a break, a holiday from the preparing.

Landing into a new country, semi new relationship, the new energies of that relationship, moving in together/sharing a room/bed/home, new area, new climate, new culture…  Any wonder I feel the way that I do.

One can’t think their way through a change like this…

While I’ve been dancing my way through the above, intertwined in there also, is the million dollar questions of “what am I doing to do with my life!?”  I have followed my heart, and moved to another country, on the opposite side of the world, now what?  The funny thing is, I don’t feel like doing anything.  I don’t feel like joining the masses, into the work force.  Into that false sense of security, joining society, pretending that I’m happy, that I want to live my life this way.  In Bali, magical Bali, I really aligned to a new way of being.  Of how disconnected we have become from the earth.  Since when was it ok to rape the planet of food & resources and not give back to it?  Since when was it ok to not understand the cycles of life & to carry out living as if what was really going on doesn’t matter.

My dear friend Simon, who is the Chef at Bali Silent Retreat – the retreat I stayed at for 2 weeks, is very passionate about using food that is grown local, that supports the locals and what is taken, is given back.  Since my stay in Bali, I find myself now looking at the labels with even more scrutiny than I ever did.  Looking at where each product has come from.  Was it imported, or is it local.  If it’s not local, I don’t want to know about it.  Do you know what of your favorite foods have been imported???  It really puts things into a different perspective.  To consider that foods journey to your side of the world.  What labor went into it’s production, what fuel resources were used to get it to you.  What the cost of this food is to you, vs the locals who have lived on it for centuries.  Take this Quinoa seed story for example.

Simons Land

(This image is of Simons’ land in Bali at Bali Silent Retreat.  It is rich & full of unique structures that support the growth and production of food, the land, the community.  It maintains a cycle that will continue to support all, without one benefiting over the other.  It is simply magic to behold.)

I now no longer want to be a part of the problem, I want to be a part of the solution, so I don’t see how I can continue to plug myself back into the system, the matrix if you will, and continue to pretend that I don’t know, to not take personal responsibility.  Because to continue pretending that I don’t know is now no longer an option.  I am a self responsible individual, I am here to make a difference, to be a part of the solution.

So once I’ve done landing my energy here in this beautiful Northern Hemisphere, and I feel ready to do what it is that I’m meant to be doing on this earth, I wonder where my spirit will guide me?

Watch this space….

The power of YES, in manifesting your dreams

As this blog names suggests, I wanted to share a story about what saying YES to your goals + dreams really means, share the process and the fears that can potentially pop up when we step up to say YES to the life we want.

Here we go;

I had a great lesson recently.  It is regarding abundance, manifestations & desires.  I received the opportunity to fly to Canada for 1 week, with 1 weeks notice.

My initial reaction was = CRAZY!!  But this is my life.  Crazy and spontaneous is exactly the way I like it, so I’d asked for this!

Neil (a previous romance, who I wasn’t over, who pulled on my heart strings like crazy, who lived in Canada) said to me;
“if you can find a return flight to Canada for 2K, I’ll fly you over for my 30th birthday!”

IMG_5482

“Deal.”  was my response.

I called my travel agent Lucy, at Flight Centre straight away, to tell her my story.  Straight away she was online checking flights.  She found one with China Air for $2100.

“Do you want me to book it? 

“Um, let me check with Neil first”.  I wanted to confirm he was really THAT serious, as his request was only via Viber.

“Ok, let me see if I can hold it for you.  Yep, I can only hold it until tomorrow 5pm.  Will you confirm with me tomorrow, if you want to go ahead?  How exciting!”  Lucy replied.

Neil had gone to bed on his side of the world, so I had to wait patiently until the next morning to call him.

MORNING
Me to Neil.  “Are you serious about me coming over, because I found a flight!”

“Yeah, what do you think, do you want too?”

“YEAH!”

So now that that’s clear, I need to arrange the details.  Work, Flights etc…

WORK
I ring Jess (my Manager at work), to explain my story and request my leave, to leave in ONE WEEK.  Keep in mind here, that at work we were very tightly staffed AND a colleague was already granted leave for 3 weeks during this time!  What was my possibility going to be?
“So um, you know how I’m going to Canada for my working holiday next year, well Neil, this guy I love, well, he wants to fly me over for his birthday, like next week, and, well, can I take time off work in like a weeks time?”

“Wow!  Absolutely, we can make that happen.  We’ll just look at the rosters and see what we can do!”

Ok cool, so the work thing is now sorted.  Now to call Lucy and confirm my ticket.  I thought I’d ask Lucy about changing the dates a little, because in my haste to search dates, I hadn’t really looked at my work schedule, I was more concerned with finding a 2K flight.  She checked out some alternatives, but discovered that overnight, all flights had gone UP an extra $1500!!  Not mine, because it had been held & secured.  Talk about bloody luck!

I confirm with Lucy that this was going ahead and Neil is paying.  After hanging up, I follow her email prompts to pay using his Credit Card. Because I was using his Canadian Credit Card, the Australian payment page was giving me a declined message.  His card wouldn’t work in Australia.  I call Lucy back, she suggested he could pay via BPAY.  She gives me the codes, and I contact Neil and ask him to give this way a go.
Declined.
On the phone with Lucy again, two further suggestions.
Over the phone & bank transfer.
As I am about to give Lucy Neils’ CC digits, I felt prompted to ask her;
“I’m ok to travel aren’t I? My passport is valid until November this year,  I’m still good right?”

“Noooooo” she replies.  “You can’t travel with less than 6 months validity on your passport!”

“Whatdyamean, I can’t fly with less than 6 months validity, what’s the purpose of an expiration date on a passport, if you can’t fly up until it expires?”

“I’m not 100% sure why, but I know you can’t travel.  Maybe call the embassy and double check.  You can order an emergency passport”.

This is the point where I begin to ask myself;
– should I really be going
– why don’t I just wait until I go properly next year
– I’ll have more time to arrange my passport
– probably wasn’t meant to happen anyway
– I’m not paying for an emergency passport
– what a crazy idea – it was fun to think about & explore…

This is where my fear, rears its doubt & fearful reasoning…  

This is the main crux of my story.  That point, or threshold where we’re likely SO familiar.
The ego mind that is telling us that our dreams were just that.  A dream.  A nice idea and a fictional reality to indulge in.

Where we tell ourselves – ‘I could never do that – that’s crazy!’  

That point of reasoning where we back down from that very thing that we want, when it’s almost within reach, when moving forward means stepping up into potential discomfort and GROWTH and OWNING what we want.

That’s right OWNING your dreams.

THE TURNING POINT
I call Neil, feeling a little defeated, like something has just died inside me.  I explain to him about my passport & how I couldn’t travel.  Here’s what he said.

“Just get a new one.”

Simple.

Unattached to my story, my emotion, my thoughts.  ‘Just get a new one!’

My story spills out of my mouth;
“blah blah blah money, time, passport, how, money blah blah blah” (you get my jist, you heard it all above.)

“Don’t worry about it baby.  I’ll pay for it.  Call the travel agent, book the ticket, apply for a new passport, get your bum here, it’ll be fine.”

I hop off the phone, feeling like I’ve been pushed to my edges.  My story has been blasted to smithereens and I’ve now got no excuse in the book, to stop me from going to Canada in 6 days time.  6 days! A passport in 6 days!

PASSPORT
I call the embassy.  They spell out the steps required to order an emergency passport in simple black & white.  Simple.  It’s actually really simple.  Today is Wednesday.  I calculate that I can head into the city Thursday afternoon to order my passport, pick it up Tuesday afternoon, then fly to Canada Wednesday.  I’m not leaving the courier to chance.  No way – I’m picking this puppy up myself!

PAYING FOR THE FLIGHT
It’s now 12:30pm, and I start work at 1pm.  I have 30 mintues to drive to work & 4.5hrs to pay for my ticket.  Should be easy.

I’m on the phone to Lucy again.  This time we’re trying Neil’s Credit Card payment over the phone.
Declined.
What!!!
My ego speaks up again;
– maybe you’re not meant to be going
– if we pull out now, we’ll be safe, you won’t have to stress about an emergency passport.   Shhhhhhh I tell it.

Lucy asks me if I can pay.  Sadly that isn’t an option at the moment.  I ask her about the bank transfer option she’d mentioned previously. Her Manager had removed pulled this off the table, saying the funds wouldn’t clear fast enough from Canada in time to pay for the ticket.

My options were out!

I’ve now left for work, driving, trying to figure out what I can do.  Who can I borrow $2000 from?  Who asks people for this kind of money??  How bad do I want to go to Canada for my dears birthday?  I wanna go.  Bad!

A name appears in my minds eye.  Jules.

DEFINITION
Jules: noun
  Your nearest and dearest bestie.  Your nearest and dearest bestie who has just had a baby.  Your nearest and dearest bestie who has just had a baby and has a 3 year old toddler.  Your nearest and dearest bestie who has just had a baby, has a 3 year told toddler, and has just purchased her first family home with her partner.

Could I really be so cheeky to ask her to borrow this money?  But it’s just until funds clear from Canada.  But I still have to ask the question. It’s NEVER comfortable asking anybody for money.  Coffee money.  Lunch money.  Let alone a $2000 ticket to Canada!

I have Eddie Murphys impression of Bill Cosby playing in my head.  “Neeeed the money, to buy the ticKET!  Get the money, to get the ticKET!”  I call Jules, and I tell her my story, I ask if she can lend me the money to buy the ticKET.  (without the Bill Cosby impersonation).  I can tell that she wants to help me, but know it’s a loaded question.  This is confirmed because she needs to speak to her partner, to get the all clear.

10 MINUTES PASS

I’ve arrived at my destination, and I’m walking from my car into work.  Jules has called back.  She’s spoken with her partner, and they’ve agreed they will help me, but need to know that the money is going to make it’s way straight back to them.
I feel my Solar Plexus.
I get this.
It’s a lot of money to request, give, and trust for anyone.  Let alone a new family with 2 kids and a brand new mortgage.

I’m at work now.
I ask Jules if she would kindly call Lucy for me.  Not having explained to Lucy what has actually happened in the past 30 minutes.

5 minutes later a text comes through from Jules.

YOU’RE GOING TO CANADA!!

Holy Shit!

The rest of the story falls into place from here.  I got my passport easy.  I got my shifts covered easy.  Everybody at work said YES to covering me.  Another dear friend even volunteered to swap her shifts at work so she could drive me to the airport!  Easy.  Everything was EASY! I said YES.

The universe said YES.

In summary, the point of my story sharing, is to illustrate that crucial crux point.  That sticky threshold between choosing to stay where we are, or choosing to step up into something new.

Do you really want your dreams and desires in life, stepping up to the call and taking action?

OR

Do you just keep doing what you’ve always done, continuing to achieve the same outcome?

I’ve shared this story with a few friends, and their response has been one of awe & inspiration!  I hope by sharing it here with you, it will inspire you to notice your sticky points, step up to OWN your dreams and desires also.

Neil & I
Neil & I

They are your god-given (or spirit, universe, soul….) birthright.  They are available to you right NOW!

Sending you much LOVE

Love & Marriage

Love & Marriage, do they really go together like a horse & carriage?

I don’t know, but what I do know is, I’ve recently had a perspective shift around this whole marriage thing.

Growing up with a single Mum who never married until semi recently, I never got the whole marriage thing.

I didn’t understand why people had this deep desire to be married with the house & while picket fence.

I’ve never dreamt of ‘the day’, the dress, the bridesmaids…

I’ve dreamt of adventuring the world, making life up as I go, not being bound to anyone thing or place, able to pack up and move as I choose.  To have FREEDOM.

Sure I’ve wanted to meet someone with the same life dreams as me.  To explore, to travel, to laugh, to love, to live a rich & meaningful existence and make a difference on this planet, but weddings & marriage…. Pfffftttt

BUT, recently, something has shifted in me, and maybe I’m a bit slow, maybe everyone knew this key ingredient before I did?

I’ve learnt that, when you meet someone, that really freakin special someone who you just adore, a person who you feel such a strong connection and knowing about them that you’ve never felt before.  A person who shakes your world and you know you’re never going to quite be the same, someone who you just want to give the world to.  You want to give them YOU, because you know that’s the deepest gift you can give someone, then, this whole marriage thing, begins to make a little more sense.

See I had this idea that marriage was something you DID.  I’ve heard the stories, “Oh we’d been together long enough, it was time”, “It is for the kids really”, “It was the right thing to do”.  So how is that appealing?!!

But what I’m learning/feeling, that maybe it was originally born from truly meeting a love, and wanting to sacredly gift yourself to them, a symbol of honoring the being that they are, and that you are choosing to come together to create the wonder of life TOGETHER.  Maybe the materialism of it today has taken away its deepest meaning?

I was asked the about weddings the other day by a friends, she said, What would you want?
Pfffftt & blank face, I think was my response.
She laughed and suggested, “barefoot on a beach”.
I laughed back, and said, “Pretty much!”

So, whilst my sights aren’t set on a wedding, in sacred ritualistic gift to the one that I love, I would give my heart in ceremony to declare that I would love, care & support him until such a time where our souls contract says its time to part.

Might not be as ‘romantic’ as the TV shows & magazines, but its real and for me, a grand step in opening to this greater existence called life.

(I might add, that after my Pfffftt/blank face, I did also say – I’d have to talk with him and see what he would want.  I believe your ceremony should be co-creative).

learning about the beauty of you, through others…

Part of what I have always visioned, is using my collection of journals to write my posts or potentially a book in the future.

I have this vision of writing snippets of my past, typing word by word accounts of a ‘day in the life’ of.  Perhaps with the the intention of having that story resonate with individuals – who knows?  It’s not up to me right.

So on this day 16 May 2009 here is what I wrote in my journal;

“I’ve had a lovely day so far.  Wake, sleep, wake, eat, read, sleep.  Bit of stretching, washing, cry.  That was an interesting one.  It’s actually a piece of the puzzle.  All this opening Tom stuff.  I read the Delta Wave Tip Off and she speaks of dealing with our father issues at present.  She goes in instruction of how to have a soul conversation with your father and automatically I think “I can’t do that!”  Not even about not knowing him, but more about how I couldn’t open my heart to him.  And from what I’ve learnt, this is where my relationship with Males began.  I feel hurt/sad, like he didn’t want me.  This part of me feels so sad.  So hurt she missed out on her Dad’s love.  (maybe why I put on my Smurf t-shirt?).  These past few days also, I’ve been holding Tom in the distance.  I think of him though I am still feeling pretty vulnerable.  I couldn’t’ see him when I walked past just now.  I would love to visit him, though all these thoughts arise like, will he want to see me?  What if he doesn’t?  I even told myself on Wednesday when he finished work, that he’d decided he didn’t want to follow on with our relationship anymore.  I think I need to be mindful of while I’m in this space to not put him in my fathers role.  I still am not clear what exactly Tom’s role is right now?  Whether what we have is Physical, Emotional or Spiritual.  The later two definitely.  But perhaps a different Physical.  I think I am simply scared.  Some parts are tough.  Like only seeing each other after work.  As he does his thing outside of that.  I feel frustrated as after work is my gym time.  I’m compromising.  YUM VANILLA BEAN”

My lessons and reflections from this writing piece…

– Be mindful of projecting stories onto loved one’s in life.  ie – My father didn’t love me, therefore you don’t love me.  Take ownership for your own story.
– Journal it out.  Write about how you’re feeling.  If that feels to hard, imagine writing about a character.  Give your character a persona and imagine how he/she might feel or react.  Really own all facets of emotions.

When I was first connecting to my anger – it felt so foreign and so I couldn’t connect with it.  I imagined my anger looked like a little girl (the cute girl from Monsters Inc) and nicknamed her Dotti.  Dotti had cyclone anger!  It was easier for me to say that Dotti was angry before I learnt to say that I felt angry.

All relationships are AMAZING teachers, if you haven’t already heard the concept of them being a mirror for yourself – you’re going to hear it now.

What you see in another person, is in yourself.

Whether what you see is beautiful, challenging or other, it is a reflection of YOU.  Notice your thoughts towards another person, then ask yourself, where is that in me?  Watch what you want to own and not own, it’s all in you, an opportunity to discover the complexity of you.  We can change how we view our external environment simply by acknowledging our inner.  If you encounter an angry individual, ask yourself where am I angry?  People are simply mirrors to what we need to acknowledge.

flipping perspective, changing narrow into expansive

I had a wonderful chat with a friend this morning.  We sat on the rocks down at Freshwater Beach, and soaked in the magic of where we were.  I said to him, “I just can’t get enough of this, I wish I could dissolve into it”.

We were talking about all things human and experience orientated and the funny old ways in which we will look at life and our experiences.photo

He took the example of the fresh ocean lap pool, and how we might look at it and say “Ooh I bet it’s cold in there”, forgetting to look at all the other elements that exist.  ie there were two other swimmers enjoying their laps, there were free lanes available, the sky was nothing but blue, it was fresh & invigorating, the morning was truly stunning!  One example – but I’m sure we can apply this to any area of our lives.

This reminded me of thoughts I’ve been having about my recently published “Who is Heidi Firth?” story.  Recently I called my Mum to tell her that the story was up on my website – for all to read.  I’d projected how this might potentially land for her, and anybody else that may read it from the small town that I grew up in.  One of the thoughts I’d acknowledged before my call was that the story sounded all bad.  It focused on those “Monumental Moments” that had shaped me to make the person I’d become in the world.  But these past few days, I’ve been thinking about how I failed to share the really great stuff.  The stuff we often forget about and forget to have gratitude for.

So this mornings catch up chat with Dan, has inspired me to wipe the slate clean.  I am going to remove the original “Who is Heidi Firth?” story, and write the new revised one.  I’m going to flip the perspective, because that story is OLD news now, and not who I am today.

Time to Inspire & Be Inspired. xo