Heidi Firth
Drugs and Alcohol.
Most people in todays’ day are familiar with them and are likely to have tried either/or, or both.
Since my teenage years I have known alcohol only to well.
I was raised in New Zealand. A small country where it is seen as ‘normal’ to have alcohol as part of your lifestyle. It was not at all uncommon to have a fully stocked beer fridge at all times, just in case that impromptu guest happened to drop by, and to seal the evening with a couple of bevies. Steve, Mums partner during the time of my childhood even made home brew – so the house was never short of alcohol.
All occasions consisted of the family gathering at someones home, bringing along their share of cans for the day or evening. It was normal. Like food is for survival. Alcohol is for socializing.
Like the lives of most typical teenagers – there in consists of announcements of house parties most weekends. Alcohol is a very prominent part of a party – and so like adults, like children, you take your desired beverage for consumption to said school house party.
I always felt pretty lucky, as Mum would always purchase my alcohol for me despite being under age. A lot of friends had to ask older kids with fake I.Ds to buy theirs.
Fast forward some 23 years later why am I bringing this discussion up?
As I review my 23 years of consuming alcohol, I have reflected on why. Why do/did I drink this stuff that makes me feel foggy headed, and crap the next day, if not subsequent days.
During my London days I could drink until the wee hours of the morning, and get up the next day to continue the game again. Good ole 2o’s!
It’s only now sitting on the other side of this time, having learnt invaluable life lessons that I can completely understand why I did it.
In my understanding – Alcohol is a form of escapism. Of not accepting parts of ourselves we want to happily keep hidden. Alcohol allows us to feel more socially accepted, allows us to escape our anxiety, or awkwardness and insecurities. As soon as we have a few drinks, we can feel more relaxed, unwind and at ease with the world around us.
Alcohol can sometimes allow us to be the person we really wish we could be, by eliminating our inhibitions. But allowing us to open up. Say the things we wish we could say when we’re sober. Be funny. Be bold. Be uninhibited. It is a drink of courage that makes us feel more powerful and successful, more self accepting. That is until it wears off and reality settles in again.
I experienced all of this. I would drink to excess. I did not like myself, and was hiding from this pain.
Sometimes I would have two on the go at one time. We used to have a rule that you couldn’t be double parked, and if you were, it was an automatic cause to skull one of your drinks.
2001 – I arrived in Sydney, Australia after my 2.5 years as a backpacker through London & Europe. I was known as Heidi – the mullet party girl backpacker. I was fortunate to land on my feet when I arrived in Aussie. One of my London buddies, lived in a massive heritage listed house in North Sydney. There was plenty of room for me in her lounge to stay, until I figured out my next move.
One night, all 4 flatmates of the house, including myself and some friends partook in a weekly ‘Doohat Dinner’. We gathered and shared a meal and drinks together. One of the flatmates Jaysin and I, were going drink for drink with each other. He was making mine, and without a doubt was stitching me up. I’m sure he was making mine half vodka, half mixer! After dinner we decided to go out to a local bar down the road. I remember stumbling down the road, the night air making me more drunk each step I took. My head was spinning, yet I was determined to charge on. I had a persona to uphold. I believe I made it to the entrance of the bar, but struggled to hold myself up. Nicola – another flatmate – thought it best I turn around and head on back home, so took it upon herself to walk me. She put me to my bed in the lounge, with a bucket in hand, and wished me goodnight. I remember that bucket became a valued companion that night. This is one story of many.
Alcohol dulls our senses and gives us a false sense of ourselves. It diminishes our bodies ability to process thoughts and energy. It puts us in a lower state of vibration and invites in lower vibrating energies. Negativity, Paranoia, Anger, Frustration to name a few.
As I continue along my spiritual journey of consciousness expansion, the more I become a sensitive – energetic being, and the more I do not resonate with drugs & alcohol. I feel these toxins in other people, and when I partake in a drink or two – I feel a diminished vibrancy, expansion & aliveness.
Up until this morning, I have been somewhat happy to drink the odd drink here and there, and accept that this is normal. Well, normal in the sense that if I do it, I will fit it. If I don’t, then what??
Today I’m making the decision to cross into the ‘then what’ space.
I acknowledge that I no longer need alcohol in my life. I am no longer hiding from who I am. I do not need it to feel comfortable with myself. I do not need it to have a good time. I certainly do not need it to fit in. I have decided to eliminate alcohol from my life. And it’s not that I’m a big drinker anyway, so this doesn’t feel like a big thing. It’s just that I am recognizing that I do not want this in my life anymore. I am giving myself permission to own my power, vibrancy, aliveness in its wholeness!
I am choosing to feel good. All the time. I do the work. I derseve to give this to myself. I take personal responsibility for my health and wellbeing. I do not want lower vibrating energies feeding off me.
Anxiety, depression, negativity are lower vibing qualities that don’t support striving towards a place of greatness in my life.
I am currently feeling unsatisfied in my life and I am the only person who can choose to change this. I want AMAZING for my life! I want to awake, feeling excited and in wonder & awe of life. Not to know it, but to feel it. Every god darn day!
Feeling good is a choice, one that we all have. We can all take steps, baby if need to be, eliminate negativity and lower vibing from around us.
I had this conversation with Neil this morning. I told him that I have the power to choose what I want, and want I don’t want. I told him that I don’t want drugs and alcohol in my life. This invites him to choose what he wants. If he chooses drugs and alcohol – he looses me. Its as simple as that. The choices we need to make might not be pretty – but this is why it takes courage to create the life we want to live!
In the home today it is a blurry state of acceptance and sorrydom as the haze of hangoverness sleeps. The words have been spoken, and are awaiting rest. The next few days will show the results of change, and what will unfold.
I eagerly await the rise of the new, from the old.
