Yesterday in my room, I contemplated living in the now, as I watched all the caterpillars that have cocooned themselves along the exposed frame work of my roof.
My room is much like a fancy outdoor tent. I’m protected from the elements, however in traditional Balinese style, it is open and breezy, so bugs & insects alike are free to come and go as they so choose.
I was contemplating these caterpillars, thinking, do they know what their destiny is when they embark on that trek up my wall?
Do all the caterpillars congregate together, having a meeting about their future, preparing each other for what they’re about to go through?
I sure as hell bet they don’t!
And so, that got me thinking about how funny it is, how we as human beings operate.
We pow wow with each other.
We talk about where we think we’re going.
What we think we’re going to do, create.
But the reality of those conversations is that we have NO idea! Those ideas lay in the future, and the future doesn’t exist. So isn’t it strange to talk and make plans for something that doesn’t exist?
And when we do, we create thoughts around what we think we’re creating, which then creates more thoughts, which conjure feelings and more thoughts, about something that doesn’t exist. Huh?!
I think it’s the strangest thing.
So these caterpillars, they embark on their mission. One tiny little catapillar foot at a time, up my bedroom wall. Until suddenly they stop. They build their cocoon, and they go into hibernation. If I understood that this was my destiny, perhaps I would never embark on that trek up my bedroom wall, and perhaps I might stay in the ‘safety’ of lingering on the ground, continuing to forage for food, getting fat.
Isn’t that an interesting metaphor to consider?
What is the gross population doing? Is it fair to say, getting fat? Not only just physically, but metophorically.
Our weight, our ‘fatness’, is the fear of the potential we have.
Having over thought every future potential (based on a belief system that is old), for ourselves and denied our forward movement due to fear?
There is comfort in safety, but is there satisfaction? I’m going to go out on a limb and say, probably not, other than short term satisfaction.
The more and more we continue to return to the present moment, the more we can find satisfaction in the now, and not look to the future for safety & security. As time only exists in the now, we will only ever receive exactly what we need in the now. Safety & security is simply an illusion we have been breed to believe exists. A ‘what if’ mentally that is based on future problems and implications. But if we are focusing on the future as a problem, with potential issues to prepare for, what are we really creating for ourselves? A fear based living in the now! Detaching from our abundance and the universe supplying exactly what we need in this moment, here and now.
The Job. Long Service Leave. Maternity Leave. The retirement fund. Owning the house.
Do acquiring these items invite you to live your greatest life?
Are they an expression of your creativity? You’re souls purpose in this lifetime? Do they give you a sense of satisfaction like no other? Perhaps they do?
I look at where I sit now in my life.
Since arriving in Bali 2.5 months ago, I have had to move into complete surrender around what I thought I was creating for my life.
I thought I was going to settle in Canada with the boy that I love. I thought I might build a successful online business which in time progresses into a retreat centre in the woods on Vancouver Island.
I thought, I thought, I thought. Then Bali. Bali wasn’t part of the plan. Not how I thought anyway!
In creating attachment to an outcome, to an idea, we create something incongruent within ourselves. An expectation. Cords & pulls towards something we feel we are entitled too. When that outcome is not met, we feel a sense of loss, an emptiness at something lost, that we didn’t actually have in the first place. Strange isn’t it?
So if there is no expectation. More a presence & expanse with living in the now, then there can be no disappointment. There can only be what is. A co-creation with the universe & a gratitude for what exists in the now.
The caterpillar doesn’t think – “I’m going to become a butterfly!”
He embarks on this journey because the call is pulling him forth.
He knows that he needs to do this, so he simply does it.
He moves forth without expectation.
Taking one step at a time.
He shows up.
He is not attached to any outcome.
He is here.
He is only here.
We can learn a lot from watching nature and her rhythms.
Living in the now.
Our internal thoughts can appear to be a maze of corners, dead ends, expansive openings and whatever else you may not want to look at.
Having the support of someone guiding your delicate infrastructure can bring forth deep clarity.
Contact Heidi via email or message with your curious life questions.
www.heidifirth.com or www.facebook.com