Heidi Firth Well let me tell you, I’m sure this topic has been years in the making!
I left New Zealand when I was a mere 20 years old. Bright eyed and bushy tailed – ready to take on the world.
I had a one way ticket to London, England and all I knew was that I had a 2 year working Visa and was booked on a 14 day Contiki tour.
Today, some 16 years later, I sit here, back home in Te Awamutu, New Zealand, and reflect on this journey that has proceeded me.
I do know that on some level I left NZ in search of something, and through my travels, I discovered that that something was myself. I have found myself, and so perhaps this is why I now find myself home.
My story reminds me of the book – Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist.
If you haven’t heard of it, click the link above, or read the copied text below from Amazon.com;
“Brazilian storyteller Paulo Coehlo introduces Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who one night dreams of a distant treasure in the Egyptian pyramids. And so he’s off: leaving Spain to literally follow his dream.
Along the way he meets many spiritual messengers, who come in unassuming forms such as a camel driver and a well-read Englishman. In one of the Englishman’s books, Santiago first learns about the alchemists–men who believed that if a metal were heated for many years, it would free itself of all its individual properties, and what was left would be the “Soul of the World.” Of course he does eventually meet an alchemist, and the ensuing student-teacher relationship clarifies much of the boy’s misguided agenda, while also emboldening him to stay true to his dreams. “My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy confides to the alchemist one night as they look up at a moonless night.
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself,” the alchemist replies. “And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” –Gail Hudson –“
So here I am in my Mum & her husbands home. Feeling like the 20 something year old I was when I left, likely less an ego than then. Perhaps I have reached a crux in my quest, where I can no longer continue the way that I was. Very much an independent traveler, determined to change the world all on my own. Though I have learnt that this is not possible. One person changing the world is no small feat, nor is it likely possible.
Being home in a family unit brings a new set of challenges I have avoided most of my adult life. Feeling and acknowledging the family wounds. It has been easy (in a sense), to travel the world alone and acknowledge my own self and the experiences that have come to make me unique. Everything that I have written in my blog to date has likely been a glimpse into my inner workings and what has supported me to unlock who I am and my gifts to the world.
What are these gifts worth when they are hidden behind a computer screen, behind words, behind a fancy website (not that mine is), behind branding and a perception one wishes to be viewed by the world? I don’t know? Perhaps a lot, perhaps nothing, perhaps something?
These are my thoughts as I sit here. Perhaps healing the world isn’t necessarily about what I project out into my Social Media. Perhaps is lays in the challenge & familiar/unfamiliar ground of being me where it all began? What a concept that is! Slotting back into my family unit. Mum, Sister, Nieces + Nephew – to teach what I have learnt. To create a new paradigm for family relationships and interactions. When friends and family are the most important cards on our tables, do we really give them the value that we so think they hold?
Spending hours at a job we may not really enjoy, simply to get the pay cheque at weeks end. What fulfillment is there when this is what we align too? How many hours of the week are lost to something that is passionless, or a mere gateway?
I’m not suggesting throwing it all in on reading of my words, but simply invite enquiry of what is it that invokes passion and life! I sit here reflecting on this very question today. So I’m not saying I have the answers. I definately have the questions and am open to the answers – as I KNOW there is another way. I just know it in my soul. I didn’t come here to work in a job being unfulfilled. I came here for a reason, for a purpose. I want to LOVE my life, and love every moment of it. Even the tough stuff. And right now, I will admit, I am in a seemingly interesting situation;
36 years old and living at home with my Mum, unemployed.
But you know what? That is one way to look at it.
Another way; I have spent 16 years living away from my family – I am now living with & spending quality time with my Mother & family – who I love & adore – I have the opportunity to help her with tasks & such, and in between, I get to write and reflect – plant seeds + create – which I LOVE!
Pretty sweet huh?!
I think so.
Here’s to unfolding new ways of living & being in this world. <3
